Chasing Fire
by Lady Ali
Summary: Most of the Characters from Twilight are in the service of saving people. Most are Firefighters. Chasing Fire is a all human story. Edward and Bella are the main characters of course, but all the characters are in it. What fires will he have to chase.
1. Chapter 1 New Beginings

**Chasing Fire **

_Disclaimer: Okay, you know the drill I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Characters I just love to toy with them. _

_I need to thanks a couple of people so stay with me for just a second. One being Lindz babe, you are amazing. You're my beta, who is always there for me when I have a question or if something is driving me nuts and you always figure it out for me. You also make my banners for me and made this new chapter banner for me which is omg. I love you for all you do for me and can't thank you enough. Next being my friend Jo, you let me talk to you when I was totally freaking out about this story so I gave you a little gift in this story I hope you love it as much as I do. Stella you are amazing and I've gotten to know you more here recently, thanks so much for being around when I've been going crazy about this story. You all rock my world so much. I love you all. Thanks to all my readers too who gave me all the love for the teaser, that meant so much to me and showed me I could really write this one. Okay I'm done with all the thanks! So go read lol. (All banners will be posted on my profile very soon.)_

What if you were chasing a fire that was always escaping your reach and you were chasing flames that claw at your heart trying to incinerate it. Burning you alive in the process. Do you try to put it out or do you let it burn you alive?

Chapter One ~ New Beginnings

_What is a firefighter?_

_He's the guy next door...._

_He's a guy like you and me with warts and worries and unfulfilled he stands taller than most of 's a fireman...._

_A fireman is at once the most fortunate and the least fortunate of 's a man who saves lives because he has seen too much 's a gentle man_

_ because he has seen the awesome power of violence out of 's responsive to a child's laughter because his arms have held too many small bodies that will never laugh again...._

_He doesn't preach the brotherhood of lives it.~Author Unknown_

"MOM?… DAD?…. KYLIE?…. WHERE ARE YOU?" I screamed over and over again, begging them to answer me.

I was on the floor crawling around trying to get as low as I could and getting to the door and do what the firemen said to do when they came to our school a couple of weeks ago. I had thought they were really cool. I even wanted to be one when I grew up. But right now, I just wanted to find my mom, dad, and little sister.

The smoke was thick and choking me. As I tried to get down lower to the floor I saw some movement in the hallway under my bedroom door. _Maybe its my mom._ I rushed to the door getting caught in the smoke and gagging for a few minutes before I started crawling again. Making it to the door I grabbed the handle, the heated metal of the knob singeing my hand in the process. As I cried out in pain the door suddenly opened and there was a huge figure in a yellow fireman's outfit. Staring at me through the thick swirls of smoke, this person gently picked me up and carried me away from danger, taking me to safety.

When we got outside, my head bobbing up and down as this fireman ran with me in a firm grasp, I looked back at my house. My eyes never left the door that we had just came through looking for anyone else that might come out, but no one did. Everything wasn't in slow motion like in the movies, it was almost like someone had pushed the fast forward button. Everyone was moving really fast, but the voices were bogged down and garbled.

People were talking about the fire and the people in it, that's when I looked up at the fireman holding me. I looked right into eyes that were the most beautiful shade of brown I had ever seen. They were deep like the deepest hole in the earth. That's when I noticed this wasn't a man holding me, it was a woman that had saved me. She took me over to the EMT's to check me out. When she set me down, she took off her helmet and proceeded to tell me her name was Esme. She had the most beautiful, friendly smile too.

Looking away from her and back towards the door, I saw a fireman carrying my little sister. She wasn't moving at all. He rushed her over to the EMT's and they began to work on her. I stood up and ran too her, throwing the oxygen mask on the cot, the one the EMT's had put on me. When I got to her the words I heard would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"She's gone and so are the mom and dad….."

When he said this he looked right at me and I ran towards my house to find them, or maybe wake up and make this all go away. Esme caught me up in her arms and held me to her, with me thrashing around fighting against her hold and screaming.

" NO.. NO NOT MY FAMILY! LET ME GO, LET ME GO! PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY FAMILY AWAY! YOU HAVE TO FIND THEM, SAVE THEM. NO THEY CAN'T BE, PLEASE GO SAVE THEM, PLEASE!"

I screamed over and over, tears coursing down my cheeks in torrential gushes, still thrashing around in her arms.

I sat straight up in my bed, sweat pouring down my face, and gasping for air.

"What? What's wrong? Edward, are you okay?" Lindsay asked, touching my arm in the most comforting way.

I looked down at her, the girl I had been dating for the past year, and told her it was nothing.

She didn't believe me, I could plainly see that on her face. I laid back down as she snuggled up to me and laid her head on my chest.

"Are you okay?" she whispered. I just nodded my head, I still hadn't caught my breath. She reached up and lightly placed her lips to mine.

_What the heck_. I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep now, why not have some fun before I leave for my first day of recruit class.

I started to deepen the kiss and lightly traced her bottom lip with my tongue, dragging it slowly across her lip. She opened her warm mouth granting me entrance, letting our tongues caress each others. It was slow and full of passion, building to a fire that raced across our bodies. She scooted closer to me getting on top of me, straddling me. I let my hands graze softly down her neck, to the gentle slope of her shoulders, planting kisses on her bare skin on the way down. She always wore a teddy to bed, always the most sexy red or black colors, covering only the essential parts, the parts that I was going to be devouring soon.

I trailed my hand down the sides of her arms and across her stomach, watching the goosebumps cover her skin. Her head was titled back in pure pleasure. I heard her little moans of said pleasure and let my hand travel on its journey to the holy grail.

I passed it up at first and the most frustrated look came across Lindz's face. It was so cute, I loved those looks she gave me when she was frustrated. She raised her body and looked down at me, begging for me to move my hands back up to her waiting core. I slowly teased the shit out of her, barely moving my hands back up her legs. When I reached her thighs, I moved my hands to the silky skin inside of her legs and trailed them teasingly up to the holy grail.

I barely grazed it with my finger and she let out a moan and the two words that were was always my undoing, especially when they came from her lips.

"Pleeeassseee Edward!"

I looked into her hooded eyes and inserted a finger into her, and after a second or two of pumping into her, I added another. I let my thumb go up and graze her clit and she bucked her hips into me. I smirked at her and took my fingers back out of her and she whined. That face she was giving me now was even better than the one when she was frustrated. It was in total pout mode.

I looked at her for a minute then very gently turned her over and got on top of her. I kissed her again, just like the first time, then headed to get a taste of her heavenly juices. When I was right about to pass her belly button I noticed the time.

"Fuck, Lindz, I'm so sorry babe, but I have to go. I'm going to be late if I don't get moving. I'm so sorry." I got up and out of my bed and quickly headed into my bathroom. I couldn't look back at her though, if I did I knew what face she would have. And it wasn't one I wanted to see right now. I had other things to deal with right now and having Lindz mad at me was the least of my problems.

After my quick shower and getting dressed, I went out to face her. She was still in bed but fast asleep, her angry pout from earlier replaced with the peacefulness of slumber. I smiled at her looking down at her beautiful face and whispered promises to make this up to her.

I wanted nothing else but to stay right here with her for the rest of the day just lying in bed and taking care of her every need, but instead I had to go to my first day at the Fire Academy…or what was also called Firefighters recruitment class. For me, it was going to be eighteen weeks of pure torture. My older brother would be one of the instructors and well, that alone was torture in itself, but my mom would be there off and on also.

I couldn't goof off because I would make one of the best fire chiefs in the state look really bad, not to mention make my mom look bad, and there was no way I wanted to do that to her. My bother was going to ride my ass hard on every topic he taught, he had already warned me. My whole family was in the line of duty to help others. Carlisle was a doctor at the hospital and not just a doctor, but the best cardiologist in the nation. Esme was the Fire Chief of the Forks Fire Department. Emmett was one of the top firemen in his class at the academy and one of the new instructors.

I had been with the Cullen's since I was ten years old. Esme had saved me from the fire that day but then she saved my life even more. The next week after the fire, I was sent to stay in an orphanage with tons of kids and I felt like my whole life was over, still grieving for my family and forced to stay somewhere I didn't want to be, waiting for a new family that might never come. Then Esme walked back into my life and picked me up and never let go.

Carlisle and Esme had talked it over after that fateful night and decided to try to adopt me. She had found out that I had no other family and that I was all alone. She came to find me and took me home with her, to her family. I ended up with a big brother and new parents that would love me and take care of me. They would never truly take the place of my real mom and dad or even my little sister, but it was close enough. I loved them like they were my true family.

I took one more look at Lindz, trailing my fingers lightly over the smooth lines of her face, memorizing it, and grabbed my bags to leave. I would be staying at the Fire academy for the next eighteen weeks. We couldn't go home at all. She could always come see me, but I couldn't just pick myself up jump in my truck and drive to see her. It would be hard not seeing her every day, we had been living together for awhile now. I loved waking up to her beautiful face every morning, and the feel of her snuggling into me, her warm breath spreading across my chest.

It would be worth it though, I was going to make something of myself, do something that would help others and maybe I could help save someone like Esme saved me. Maybe, just maybe, I could save the parents of some little kid, that way they wouldn't have to go through what I've had too go through.

I left the house and when I got to my truck, I threw my bags in the back, slid into the comfortable seat fitting the key in and started it up. I backed the truck up, swinging onto the street and headed to my new home for the next several weeks.

When I got to the academy I pulled in and parked, took a deep breath and turned the ignition off stepping out of my truck. I grabbed my bags and entered the building. My brother Emmett was standing there with the biggest smile on his face. He knew why I was doing this and he told me that he was proud of me for it. I wanted to help others, even though I was still a little apprehensive about fighting the fire, the same thing that killed my family. I was actually doing this for them. I wanted revenge in some way and this was the only way I could think to get what I wanted.

He put on a serious face and turned around and told me to follow him. I was expecting this, he had warned me several times that I would be treated like any other Cadet in the program. He couldn't treat me different just because I was his brother. I told him it would be okay and that I wouldn't want it any other way, I didn't want special treatment.

He showed me to my little ass room with two beds, one on each side with a desk at the foot of the beds. _Great a roommate. _Emmett hadn't told me about that. I gave him a questioning look, he just shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the room.

I was sitting on my bed for a few minutes when my brother walked back in, my best friend right behind him. Jasper and I had been best friends since I moved in with the Cullen's, he lived right next door. I looked at Emmett and quirked my eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes at me then opened his mouth to speak this time.

"I pulled some strings for you, but that's the last one." I smiled at him and thanked him as he left.

Jasper put his stuff down and sat on his bed. Emmett hadn't shut the door behind him, so we heard the next group walking down the hall towards our room. As they passed I could tell which fire department they were from. _Shit La Push boys. _Jasper and I gave each other knowing looks. We couldn't stand them, they felt the same about us though. It was normal for hostility to grow between departments. But on a scene, we would always have each others backs, it was about the fire, the victims, not us. About ten minutes later, I heard Emmett coming down the hall again. This time he had one person with him, it was a female. _Shit we had a girl in the academy with us. _

Jasper and I ran to the door to watch her from behind as she made her way down the hall to the girl's dorm_. _When she went to round the corner she threw up the 'your number one finger' at us.

"Wonder what department she's with?" Jasper asked with a shocked look on his face, I'm sure I had that same look on my face.

A couple minutes later, Emmett came back towards us with that same look on his. As he went by us he whispered her name to us.

"Her name is Jo. Holy shit! First time we've ever had a girl in the academy, she's gunning for a position at our fire department."

_Well shit, there was only two openings. What the fuck! What if she took my position or Jaspers. Damn it!_

"I know what you thinking, bro. I swear I do. Damn, you two better work your asses off. I have to go see if any one else showed up. There is another girl coming, giving you two the heads up about her. Her name is Alice Brandon. Her mom Cordialla is one of the other instructors here, so no messing around with her, this girl will know her shit. She's here to help her mom out, but she is getting credit for her EMT class. So heads up this little pixie is a serious one. Just like her mom. Her mom will be watching all of you so heads up. I have to go."

I had no clue why he added me into that, I had Lindz at home all hot and probably pissed at me right now. God, I so had to make that shit up to her somehow. Thinking of Lindz always made me think about how we met.

My first day of school after losing my family and moving in with the Cullen's, I met my Lindsay. I walked into the class room and the teacher had me introduce myself and as I did this the only one really listening to me was Lindsay. A girl in the front row with light brown, long ass hair-seriously it went all the way down her back. She was staring at me, right into my eyes, like she could read all my secrets through them, her dark brown eyes boring into mine. I had to look away because the look on her face was so intense. The teacher had me sit in the seat right behind Lindz. When I went to sit down, some little rat of a boy said 'look it's the charity case' under his breath. I looked at him and raised my fist to hit him and the next thing I knew Lindsay had her hand over mine and looked at me again.

"Don't Edward, he's not worth it, trust me." And I did trust her for some reason. We were inseparable from that moment on. We were best friends. Then about little over a year ago, it became more for me. I fell for her.

"How's Lindz handling having to be away from you this long?" Jazz asked, bring me out of my memories.

"She's okay with it, but right now she is probably pissed off at me anyway." I told him, my mind drifting back to earlier.

"Why's that?"

"Well, we were in the middle of playing around when the alarm went off," was all I said about it. Jazz gave me the knowing look.

"Dude, I bet she is pissed. But she loves you man. Do you think she will come see you while you're here?"

"She said she would." I didn't want to talk about her anymore, I was already missing her. I didn't have to change the subject though, someone knocked on our open door.

It was my mom. I smiled and told her to come in.

"Hey Jasper," she said waving to him and smiling. Then she turned to look at me with that loving, motherly smile of hers. "Edward heads up, they are going to start class in the morning and the first lesson is on Gear. You two should know this stuff, you two have been playing with my gear since you were ten. There will be a test on the fastest putting it on. Here," she said, handing us each our books and a couple of papers. One being a list of classes we would be taking somewhat like a schedule. As I took my stuff from her, she smiled at me and gave me a hug whispering in my ear, "You'll do great."

Then she turned and walked out. I smiled at Jasper and we both crossed the short distance to our desks and started looking at the papers and books. Jasper and I studied for a few hours, until it was lunch time.

Neither one of us needed directions around the station, we had been coming to this place since we were teenagers. Esme would bring us with her and we thought it was so cool to see the firefighters practicing and learning, now it would be us in their places. Plus, we used to play victim for them too, that part was fun.

We headed into the cafeteria, got our food, and sat down at a table together. We were all alone when someone set their tray down at our table. This had to be Alice. Emmett called her a little pixie and that nickname so fit this one. The other girl here set her tray down next to Alice's.

"Hey I'm Alice and this is Jo," Alice said, nodding her head towards the woman next to her. I turned to look at Jasper and he was just staring at Alice like there was no tomorrow. I laughed, Jasper was the type that never really cared about a girl. I mean, he had his fair share of women, but not like staring at them and shit. He was dumbfounded by this woman, I could tell.

"I'm Edward and this is Jasper," I said. That's when I saw Alice looking back at Jasper, their eyes locked together, oblivious to everyone else. I rolled my eyes and started to talk to the other person at the table. "So what fire department are you gunning for?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

"Um…well, I was gunning for Forks Fire Department, but since I see you two here, there will be no chance with that now, will there?" Oh feisty little thing. She was only about five foot four inches tall, maybe one hundred thirty pounds, I could run laps around her in all my gear and not break a sweat. Shit, and she's going to be like that. Well.

"Okay, not sure if your implying what I think you are, but the fire chief and the firemen at Forks Fire Department and here do not play favorites. You will have just as much of a shot as Jasper and I do," I said back a little rudely, irritated at the implications. I didn't like her acting like my family would play favorites for me. They weren't like that and I knew that.

She just gave me this 'I don't fucking believe you' look and went on with what she was saying.

"So, I'm hoping to get on the Port Angeles department, I would rather have that job anyway. So no worries." She stopped talking and started eating. She didn't say another word to us the whole forty five minutes we had for lunch.

After lunch, we all headed back to our rooms for another couple of hours, then Emmett came in and we played cards for a little while. After that, it was time for dinner then we went to bed for the night, wanting to be rested for the beginning of our training tomorrow. The next morning we had our first class. It was a class all together. That's when the first confrontation between the La Push boys and us happened.

Jasper and I walked into a room with chairs and tables lined up facing front towards a white marker wipe-off board. Jasper and I headed toward the middle row and sat at a table next to each other. The girls came in next, Jo, sitting at a table in the front row and Alice standing in the front.

"I guess she is waiting for her mom," Jasper said, stating the obvious. I just nodded my head at him. You could tell he was totally jonsing for the woman standing there, looking all shy and shit. Twiddling her thumbs and looking nervously at the door every second, she was totally starting to freak me out. The rest of the members of our class came in and took their seats, including the La Push boys.

When they took their seats I saw how big the three really were. I whispered to Jasper to look and he cast a lazy glance in their direction. When he turned around, one of them shouted out, 'hey Forks idiot's, what are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen what real Fireman look like or are you just used to seeing female firemen?' We ignored it, mostly because we had to, this wasn't the time. It didn't mean we didn't have any other confrontations after that. Usually they started it, but sometimes we would start with the jibs at their department. That's really how it works between fire departments.

When everyone was seated, all the instructors came in and had us follow them outside, where they proceeded to explain all about the gear and how to put it on. It was a cinch for me and Jasper. So when it came to the first test of the day, we both aced it, naturally. I can't really say the same for anyone else, except for one. That one was Jo, it was like she was a natural too. Like she had been around firefighting all her life, even longer than me.

I knew I would need to find more out about this girl, who in the end of the academy could have a chance to take _My _spot on _My _department. I could not and would not let that happen. That spot was made for me, it was mine and I would fight the toughest fight ever to get it.

The next several days went by and we did drills in the mornings and studying and classes at night. I got to know more about Jo too. She was the only daughter of a fire chief that had just lost his life a few months ago. She wanted this job to honor her father, so I totally understood that. Her dad was the Chief of the Forks Fire Department when she was younger, he was the fire chief before Esme. He was a chief I had looked up too also. I never knew he had a daughter though.

In every class she was excelling and so was I, each test we were only a few points ahead or behind each other. Jasper was always right there with us too. So we were all fighting for what we wanted. I could tell she was getting frustrated though, and so was I, to tell you the truth. I wanted her to give up but I knew she wouldn't, she was too tough for that.

The next test was going to be a hard one too, it had a written part and a physical part as well. The written part was on everything that we had learned so far; ropes and knots, gear, pump operations (or how to run the truck correctly), and ladders. The physical part was were we would show off our new skills in these areas.

Lindz called me the day before the big test while I was studying and asked if it would be a good time to come have dinner with me tonight and spend some time together. I jumped at the chance, it would be perfect. I needed to relax and I had missed her like crazy. I hadn't seen her since that morning I left her in bed pissed at me. We had talked on the phone and she told me she wasn't really mad at me, but she missed me something fierce.

After the phone call I had a little talk with Jasper about tonight and how he would need to take his books and stuff with him to lunch, I would need the room for the rest of the night. He didn't have a problem with it, he said he actually had plans and I suspected those plans had to do with Alice. After we talked all I had to do was to wait, not so patiently, for dinner time to come along.

Lindz got to the fire department with me standing outside waiting for her like a lost puppy dog. When she got out of her car I pretty much ran to her and lifted her right off her feet. I heard her giggle as I pressed my face into her hair and deeply inhaled. When I put her back down on the pavement, I left my hands on her hips, and brought her back into me so she could feel the hard-on I was totally sporting for her.

I needed her right now, I didn't give a shit about dinner at that moment. I knew I had missed her, but damn, I guess my little fireman missed her as well. I heard her gasp at first, then she leaned into me more and pressed her lips to mine, grasping my back with her own hands. I lightly traced her lip with my tongue and she slowly opened her mouth open to say 'your tongue has my permission to enter' and little fireman twitched at that moment as to make his own statement. He wanted to enter more than just her mouth and I couldn't blame him for it.

I heard her stomach growl right then and her giggle, so I figured what I wanted would need to be put on hold for a few until she ate something. _You'll just have to wait, lil fireman, you will get what you want I promise. _I moved my hands from her hips up her sides to her shoulders then back down to her arms slowly, just barley brushing her body with my fingertips. I latched onto her hands and walked backwards with her in tow towards the fire academy.

Once inside, she saw my mom and let go of me to hug my mother and my brother Emmett. Then he took her off and into the dining hall area, away from me. _That wasn't cool at all._ I wasn't having any of that though, because I hadn't seen her in a long time, well, it was a long time for me and her to be apart. We were always together and now we were apart and I didn't want to miss a minute to be with her now. I went to chase after them but my mom stopped me.

"Edward, wait, I know you want to be with Lindz, but you have to study tonight too. Listen, Jo knows her stuff for this test, you can't even be two points behind her and get your spot on the department. You have to beat her at the next two tests or you're going to have to work for your second choice fire department. I worked with her father, Edward. He was a tough man, he taught me everything I know, and undoubtedly taught her too. You're my son and I want you with me at our department, but I can't help you get there, you have to do this on your own. Make sure you study tonight, that's all I'm saying."

"I will I promise, I miss Lindz, Esme, that's all. She will help me study, I promise. I will kick ass in that test tomorrow. Jasper and I have been studying for this one for the past week. I know we will get perfect scores. Okay?" I asked her. What I was saying in my head was 'Okay please can I go get me some of that beautiful woman that is with my brother at the moment.' Esme nodded her head with a smile on her lips.

I ran off towards my Lindsay and found her seated with her food, right next to Em and Jasper, who was seated on her other side. I went in and grabbed my food, since she already had hers, then went and pushed my way beside her which of course made her giggle. We ate dinner in silence not even saying a word to each other.

The only language between us was our gentle touches; arms rubbing together, my fingers gently grazing her fingers under the table, our legs pressed together, Lindz skimming her leg up the side of mine. We were both so needy for each others touches that just the simple graze of each others skin sent shivers of anticipation down both our bodies.

I couldn't take it any more after that, I got up and looking down at her having a silent conversation with her, begging her with my eyes to stand up and come with me. She did as I asked, we both headed toward the garbage and threw our stuff away and headed towards my room.

On our way, there one of the La Push boys bumped right into me on purpose, knocking Lindz where she almost fell down to the ground, but I caught her. That shit pissed me the fuck off. I steadied her and made sure she was okay, kissing her lightly on her lips before moving my lips to her ear.

"Lindz honey, my room is the third one down that next hall, head that way and I'll be there in just a minute. Please?" I asked. I would never demand anything from Lindz, but I wanted to make sure she was safe. But like always, Lindz had other plans.

She shook her head and grabbed my arm trying to drag me away. I let her, I didn't really need to get into a fight with him. I still didn't know his name though, he was a big kid. I'm twenty two years old and he's younger then me so to me he's a kid. I say kid, but the thing is, most people here see me one as well.

I let Lindz drag me away from the confrontation and to my room, the anger in me still boiling over. I wanted to kick the shit out of him for knocking into me like that and almost knocking Lindz to the ground too. No one hurts her and gets away with it, he will pay somehow.

When we got to the room, Lindz could see that I was still pissed, she grabbed my hand and led me to the bed, but she didn't sit down, she went over to the door and locked it. Then very slowly reached up and took off her sweater that was over her dress. I loved it when she wore dresses. She was so beautiful. I thought she would just come on over to me and let me take it all off of her but I was wrong with that thought.

She very slowly moved her hands down her neck all the while staring right into my eyes, lightly licking her lips as her hands swept across her shoulders taking her shoulder straps of her dress down her arms. My mouth was slightly agape and my eyes were following every move she made. She was sex on a stick and I just wanted to eat her all up. When the straps where down to the crease of her elbow, she reached around to her back and slowly unzipped her dress, letting it flow down, the fabric pooling at her feet. She wasn't wearing any underwear. She was standing there in all her glory. _God I love this woman. _

She still had me hypnotized with her eyes as she came closer to me, very slowly, might I add. I wanted her now, so I went to get up from my sitting position but she reached me and placed her hand on my chest and forced me back down in my spot, straddling me. She placed open mouth kisses on my shoulder to my neck, then reached up and kissed me on the lips, parting hers right away with out me asking. We stayed in this position for several minutes kissing each other with enough passion to set the whole place on fire.

Then all of the sudden she got up off of me and grabbed my hand pulling me up. She took her hands down the sides of my arms and down to the hem of my shirt and lifted it over my head, then tossed it to the side of the room. She gently let her hands run down my abs until they reached my jeans, it was an off day to study so we didn't have to wear our uniform pants. She unhooked the button and unzipped them, again her movements agonizingly slow. She was killing me with all this slow shit, so I started to kick them off, but she stopped me shaking her head.

"In a rush, I see," she whispered against my leg as she gently pushed them down all the way down to my feet, then I helped her as she took my feet out of them.

Tossing them as well, she kissed slowly back up my leg. When she was almost to my fireman, that was standing and ready to shoot the fire hose at her flames, she stopped and went down and started on the other leg until she reached him again. This time she didn't skip over him, no, she kissed him all over. Then, taking the tip of my cock into her mouth she sucked him down her little mouth all the way until I could feel it hit the back of her throat then back up to the tip, letting her tongue swirl around the head then back down till it hit her throat again. This time she sucked harder pausing in that spot for a second, then came back up my shaft. I was teetering on the edge and she knew it too, it had been too long.

I looked down at her as she took me back into her mouth swirling her tongue around me and taking me all the way back again. I placed my hands on the back of her head and she quickened her pace, my release building quickly. Just a few more thrusts into her warm, soft mouth, and I couldn't hold back. I spilled completely into her, moaning as I shuddered with the force of my release.

"Oh….shit….Lindz….fuuuuck."

She licked it all up like it was water and she hadn't had anything to drink in days. When she was done, she released me with a 'pop' sound and I had to laugh.

For now it was her turn. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the bed and helped her lean back and lay on my pillow. I trailed kisses from her lips all the way down to stomach, letting my hands find their way down to her womanly area, gently placing a finger between her lips and teasing the shit out of her entrance only letting the tip of my finger enter. She was already wet and ready for me, but I wasn't ready to give her what she wanted just yet, she teased the shit out of me, so it was her turn now.

Once I reached her belly button, I headed back up her until I reached her ear and whispered in her ear making her shiver.

"Did you really think you were going to get off that easy for teasing me like that?"

I kissed over to her mouth and captured her bottom lip in my mouth and tugged on it and sucked on it. She let out a moan and I let my one finger enter her, letting my mouth crash down hungrily on her mouth at the same time. I palmed one of her beautiful breasts in my other hand, and rolled her hardened nipple in my fingers, as she arched her back pressing her body into me. I loved the effect I had on her. I did the exact same to the other side and then took each one in turn into my mouth sucking on both before I made my way on down her body.

Inserting another finger into her, I moved back down her body watching the goose bumps my trail of kisses was leaving on her skin. This time when I made it to her core I dove right in, flicking my tongue out and meeting her clit.

Taking my fingers out of her, I heard a moan of displeasure from my Lindz but it didn't stay for long. I let the flat part of my tongue go all the way up her lips until I reached her clit and then let my fingers dive back into her, thrusting in and out in a rhythmic dance, curling them at the correct moment meeting that perfect spot, the one that made her go crazy. She was withering under me almost where I wanted her, so I dove into her with my tongue again sending her spiraling as her orgasm hit her, her legs shaking with pleasure.

"Oh My God…..Holy…Fuck….Eddddwwward…." she screamed, I smashed my mouth to hers to quiet her screams.

But it wasn't like everyone didn't know what the fuck we were doing right now anyway.

I watched her beautiful face as she came down from her orgasm, she was so perfect. Once she was breathing regularly again, I looked down into her lust-filled eyes and we both were still hungry for each other. I got on top of her and placed myself at her entrance, capturing her mouth with passionate urgency.

As she wrapped her legs around my waist, I pushed into her and we both let out moans of pleasure together. I made love to my Lindz, slow and easy at first looking down at the woman I wanted to marry one day, and seeing nothing but love coming from her eyes. I knew I was where I should be and with who I should be with at this very moment in time. We both got off again at the same exact time, then laid there basking in the after glow of our high. About ten minutes later, I looked over at her and she had fallen asleep. I smiled to myself and hugged her closer to me and brought the covers up to help keep her warm.

After a while, I knew I had to get up and study, so I softly moved her over and got up out of bed. I went over to my desk as quietly as I could, but not quiet enough because I heard her voice before I got there.

"Hey, come back to bed."

"I can't, I have to study. I have a huge test tomorrow and if I don't ace it someone else could take my spot on the department," I told her.

"Can I help?" she asked. I was so hoping she would ask, she was always good at helping me study for tests in college so maybe she could help me remember this stuff.

"Sure," I told her with a smile.

We studied for the next several hours and she did help me find ways to remember several of the things I needed to know. I knew I was ready for the test tomorrow with the help she had given me. When it was time for her to leave I felt like a new man. Ready for anything.

I kissed her goodnight and told her I would see her soon and that I loved her. She got in her car and drove away. I just wish I would have told her more when I was saying goodbye to her that night.

Fate is a bitch and fate takes things we love away from us. Just like Fate takes things though, fate gives things too and brings people together as well. Just like I didn't know any of the La Push boys and really didn't plan on getting to know any of them, fate would have other plans for us.

Please leave me some love, your comments keep me writing.


	2. Chapter 2 Love and Lose

_I need to take a few seconds and thank all of you for reading this and leaving me some major love for the first chapter, it make me so happy that you all love it so far. You have no idea how it makes me feel. Please continue to leave the love, I crave it lol. _

_Lindz thanks so much for being my beta and friend, you are amazing and know I love you soooo much for your help with everything. Also thanks for the chapter banners they are amazing and always take my breath away. _

_Stella again thank you for being a great sounding board same goes for you Jo, you're a great friend. Love you all so much. _

_oh one more thing, please check out my blog, .com/ It will have all the teasers for this story from now on. I'll go ahead and shut up now and let you read…_

The music for this chapter are Color Blind by Counting Crows, Never say Never by The Fray, and Dreaming with a Broken Heart. By John Mayer Enjoy

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Chapter 2~ Love and Lose

_Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. _

_- __Brian Dyson_

I watched as her car drove away into the night, watched her tail lights as she drove further and further away from me, waiting for her car to be out of my sight. Slowly turning around, I walked back into the academy.

I had planned to go back to my room to study some more then go to bed and be up and ready for that test in the morning. I would have to be up an hour before it to get dressed and in my seat for the written part of the test to start.

I just made it back to the office and looked at my mom, I only had time to let my crooked smile grace my face for her before all hell broke loose.

As the call rang out across the fire pagers around me, the feeling of dread came over my entire body. Four fast beeps then the words of the dispatcher, words I would remember for the rest of my life. 'Forks fire department, 915, 973, and 913 call number 715, go approximately two miles east from your fire department, two car collision, head on, entrapment. Attention Forks fire…..

That was all I heard. They were calling for the squad, rescue, and a engine, it had to be a bad car wreck. I watched as Esme, Emmett, and several other firemen from our fire station left running to their trucks that were parked outside of the academy.

Realization hit me as Emmett passed me, Lindz…

I ran after Emmett, who turned to me in a flash.

"Bro, what do you think you're doing? You're not on the department yet, you can't come with us." I looked at him and couldn't handle what I was about to say.

"Lindz went that way Em," was all I had to say. My mom heard me and yelled for us to get our asses in the trucks, now. She included me in that, so I grabbed my gear and jumped in the truck with her just as she started it up, my heart pounding a frantic rhythm in my chest.

"You're not to do anything, you are to stay by the truck, no matter what. Do you hear me?" she asked. I nodded my head. _What would I do if it was her? Would I be able to stay by the truck like my mom and my soon to be Chief demanded? _I listened as Esme told dispatch to go ahead and deploy air care and I looked ahead, afraid of what I was about to see and the answers I was about to get.

As we rolled up to the wreck my answers were staring me in the face. It was my Lindz and there was no way in hell I was standing by the truck.

As I ran towards the mangled car of the woman I loved, my heart crumbled into a million pieces in my chest_. _I was going to lose another person I loved. _Why does God keep doing this to me? What had I done in my life to deserve to lose the ones I love?_

When I reached the car, panic seized my chest and froze me in place. I knew in my head what to do, but I couldn't get my legs to move, or my hands. I stood there staring at my broken Lindz, wanting nothing more than to turn back time and beg her to just stay the night with me. I wanted her in my arms, not sitting crumpled in the crushed piece of metal she was in. I wanted her to look at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, but those eyes weren't looking at anything right now, they were closed. I wanted her legs wrapped around me like they were earlier, but her legs were trapped under the dash.

This was all my fault, she came to the academy to be with me, me…it was my fault she was where she was at the moment. My fault she was barely breathing.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and I watched as my brother brought out the jaws of life and prepared to use them. I watched as he looked around and yelled for the firefighters to help him. I was still standing there, right by her door, looking at her battered body, unable to move.

I vaguely heard Emmett's voice as he screamed at the other firefighters, that's what snapped me out of it. He needed someone to climb into the car with my Lindz and stabilize her neck and pull the blanket over her head and face so she wouldn't get cut up any more than she already was. There wasn't an extra firefighter so I jumped into action fully coming out of my fog. Throwing on my jacket and climbing in, I heard my mom yelling at me in the background, but I didn't care. No one else was there to take care of her so I was going to do it.

I heard Esme telling me what to do and I followed her instructions to a tee, not taking any chances. I threw the cover over Lindz and me, and Emmett's face was the last thing I saw as I brought it over our heads.

I bent down, more like crushed my body down, to Lindz and placed my hands on each side of her neck keeping her still and stable while they powered up the jaws and started to cut on the demolished piece of metal we were in.

"I love you Lindz, just stay with me baby. Please, stay with me," I begged in her ear.

I could feel her pulse on my finger tips and it was fading fast. I felt helpless to stop it, I was begging God in my head, begging him not to take her from me. Her pulse was fading away and dragging her life away with it, with every second of the clock it was taking her life away from her. I yelled for Emmet to hurry up, but it wasn't Emmett's voice that came to me, it was my mom's.

"We're hurrying Edward just relax. How is she doing?" she asked. She was purely professional and at the moment I loved her for it.

"Mom, her pulse is fading fast, I can barely feel it anymore," I screamed back at her.

I heard Esme yell for them to pick it up. It seemed like hours went by, but it was only minutes, and they had the roof of the car cut away and taking it over us.

After that was gone, they started to roll the dash away from her legs. It only took them a minute to free her and as they started to remove her from the wreckage, Esme made me get out. I didn't want to stop touching Lindz, I kept shaking my head at Esme mumbling about not wanting to leave her.

I kept my hands on her neck as they put a backboard under her and removed her from the car. I stayed right with her as they put her in the helicopter that I hadn't even heard land, and got in there with her. They tried to refuse me but Esme talked them into letting me go. I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes and mouthed my thanks, then we took off into the air.

As we were taking off, I saw the other car that was involved in the wreck and saw the driver standing there wobbling, the police were questioning him and giving him a sobriety test. He was drunk, I could tell, he could barely stand up. If I was down there and saw him, I would be arrested for murder. I would have killed him for hurting Lindz.

I looked over at the ER nurse and doctor on board pleading with them to save her and they promised me to do all they could do, but nothing more. I wanted them to say she would be okay, but I knew they really couldn't tell me that.

We made it to the hospital in about twelve minutes after leaving the scene. Lindz's pulse was still fading.

When we got inside, my dad and Jasper's sister, Rosalie, ran towards us. _Esme must have called them. _I took one look at Carlisle and the desperate pleas tumble out of my mouth.

"Dad please…please help her, I can't lose…anyone else in my life. I love her, please help her." I begged and pleaded for him to save her, and his reply pissed me off to no avail.

"I'll do all I can Edward." With that, he rushed Lindz off to surgery, to an area of the hospital I wasn't allowed to be, with Rose right on his tail. I was standing there at a door as I watched them take her away from me, not knowing what was going to happen. I just stood there staring through that little square window even after she was gone, staring at the empty hallway.

"Sir, you'll to wait overin the waiting room." A small apologetic smile was on the nurse's face as she pointed me in the direction of the waiting room. I looked at her and barely nodded my head as I walked passed her to the room to sit down.

The room wasn't crowded, actually it was pretty empty for a hospital waiting room. I sat down in one of the paisley patterned chairs with my leg bouncing up and down totally numb, barely there, feeling nothing.

I sat there, for I have no clue how long, it could have been minutes or even hours, but the next thing I knew, Esme and Emmett were there sitting next to me. I had my head in my hands thinking about how there was no way I would live through losing yet another person I love.

I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder and Esme looking at me. I looked over at her and she gave me a look that told me 'I know what you thinking'. I looked into her loving eyes and all my emotions came flooding out of my eyes. I fell into her, the person that had taken me under her wing and loved me after I had lost everything. She held onto me and just let me cry it all out.

"I can't lose her mom…I don't think I'll be able to live through it."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, don't you ever say that. You are strong, you can make it through this, Carlisle said he would do his best and he will. You have to trust him and trust that she will be okay." I looked into those eyes that I trusted completely with my life since I was ten and that fate filled day, the other day that I lost ones that I loved.

I didn't understand how I was going to make it through this, but she was right Carlisle did say he would do his best and seeing as he is one of the best doctors here in the hospital, actually in this state, I will trust that she will make it.

About an hour later, an hour of pure hell, Carlisle came back through those torturous doors he had gone through earlier, doors that I had stared at the whole time. He looked at me and a small, loving, fatherly smile spread across his face.

"She's in recovery right now, she's got a long road ahead of her Edward. I'm going to keep her in a medical a coma until the swelling in her head goes down. I'm not sure about the damage to her brain at the moment though, there is too much swelling, I might have to go back in. Her heart rate is back up and her vitals are good. We will just have to wait and see Edward. Have you called her parents?"

Shit, I hadn't even thought of that, I was too worried about her. I shook my head and I dug my phone out of my pocket and called them, walking away from my family. I headed towards the vending machines to explain to her parents that Lindz was in the hospital, but I stopped with my finger on the send button_. __I don't even know what happened to her, how can I explain what happened to them?_

I walked back with purpose towards Esme, she looked at my face and tried to smile at me, but I needed to know if the fucker that hit my Lindz was drunk or not. I didn't even have to ask her though, she said the five words that crushed my world.

"Yes, Edward he was drunk."

I turned on my heel and pressed the send button, calling people I barely knew and told them that their daughter was in a medical coma because a drunk ass driver hit her head on. Anger flowed through my veins and I pulled my fist back and punched the Coke vending machine.

Turning around and leaning against the vending machine, that now had a dent the size of my fist, I slid down to the floor with my elbows on my knees and my hands in my hair. I sat there in silence for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what her parents just told me. I didn't want them to do this, but they were adamant. I tried to talk them out of it, but they said it would be best for Lindz and there was no way I would go against anything that would be good for her, I loved her too much for that. I resigned myself into still believing this was my fault and I knew I would always accept blame for her getting hurt.

I stood up and walked back into where they were all standing now, though Jasper was there with Alice and Rose was out there too.

I didn't even look at them though, I nodded in Jaspers direction but looked right at Carlisle.

"Can I see her? Please"

I needed to see her with my eyes to see that she was still breathing. I needed to be near her, to hold her hand, kiss her on the forehead, tell her I was right there and that she was going to be okay. I needed her…

"Of course Edward, I'm really supposed to wait for her family, but I know Lindz would want you in there and it might do her some good. Follow me."

I followed him through those forbidden doors and we walked to her in silence. When I got to her I gasped. It didn't look like my beautiful Lindz under all those bandages and black bruises on her face. I could already see two prominent black eyes, her lips were all puffed up and swollen, her delicate features riddled with cuts.

I looked down at her and let my fingers travel down her cheek, as a tear slid down my face. That bastard had broken her and he will be damn lucky if I don't break him, that is if I ever see him.

I looked up at my dad and asked him if I could be alone with her and he smiled and nodded, closing the curtain with him as he went. I drug a chair that was in the curtained off area, over to her and sat down. I grabbed her hand in my own and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"Your going to be okay Lindz, I'm here and I love you baby. Your parents are on their way. They want to…" I couldn't even bring myself to say what they wanted, it would crush me if they decided to actually follow through with their plans.

I leaned down and placed my forehead to her hand and begged God to let her make it through all this. I hadn't begged him for anything since that one night, but now I was begging with all my might.

I heard the curtain open and it was Esme, she came over to me and put her arms around me. Looking down at my Lindz, Esme's motherly face shattered and a few tears came tumbling down her face.

"Edward, are you going to stay here tonight or come back to the…" she let her question fade away with just one look at my face. "I'll bring your books and a couple changes of clothes for you when I come back." Keeping my eyes on my beloved Lindz I nodded my head.

She opened the curtain and I was again alone with Lindz. Her parents probably wouldn't be here until sometime tomorrow, they had to get a flight from Florida first. I was dreading them getting here. I had only met them one time, her dad was a nice man, but her mom was very protective of their only daughter.

I laid my head back down on her hand and waited for my love. I didn't know how long she would have to be in a medical induced coma.

I woke up when Carlisle came into the partitioned room and told me that Lindz had her own room now and she would be taken there in just a little while. He told me he made sure it was a private room with a cot in there for me. I thanked him and he gave me the stuff that Esme sent back for me. I took it from him as he told me he had to go on his rounds. I smiled at him but, of course, it was a weak reflection of my normal smile. He patted my shoulder and squeezed.

"Edward, you need to get some more sleep." Again I just nodded my head and placed it back down on Lindz's hand and fell back to sleep.

It wasn't long until they came to take her to her room and I got to lay down on a cot, scooting as close to her as I could, I reached out to her and held her hand all night long.

The next afternoon her parents arrived, they came right in and her mother moved me right out of the way. Her mom looked at me with the evilest face I had ever seen.

"You did this to her," she stated with so much menace in her voice.

I looked at her totally shocked, how could she think that of me? I mean, yeah, I was blaming myself and it was my fault, but how could she jump right to the conclusion before she even knew what happened?

"I'll be staying with her tonight, you're not needed here anymore." I had no clue how to respond to what she had just said, I was still in shock that she would accuse me that fast, she didn't even really know me. She went on and on about how I needed to just leave. The only thing I heard was her last sentence. "You were nothing but her charity case, she only stayed because you were so broken. She wanted to fix you."

There was no way that Lindz thought about me that way, I had asked her that time and time again in the past, but apparently her mom thought of me that way.

I decided to give her mother some time to cool off, so I walked back over to my spot next to Lindz, bending down to kiss her cheek I moved my lips to her ear.

"I love you Lindz and know you don't think of me that way. I'm going to give your mom some time, okay? Know that I love you and I'll be back tonight. Love you so much Lindz, don't you leave me, you hear me? You be strong," I whispered, leaning back up and looking at her mother and father. Nodding to both I walked away.

I went straight to the academy and to Esme. I didn't even stop to say hi to my brother or anyone else. I knocked on her door and told her I needed to talk to her. She told me to come in and when she realized who it was she gave me a weird look, her face clouded with questions.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

"Um… her parents sort of kicked me out. Mom, I don't think I can do this. I'm not strong enough to finish the academy without her." She came around her desk and stood in front of me, taking my face in her hands.

"Edward, you are the strongest person I know. You can do this, but if you want to quit class I won't stop you, but know that I _will_ help you make it through. I'll come to the hospital and help you study and help you all I can, but I can't take the tests for you and I can't make the decision to stay, that's all you. You know I love you and will love you no matter what you do, but you told me this was a dream of yours, you told me you weren't doing this for anyone but yourself. So you need to take a couple of days and make a up your mind on what YOU want to do. Okay?" I nodded my head at her, then she added more to her little speech. "What do you think Lindz would want you to do?" She kissed my cheek and went back around her desk with me stunned into silence standing there like an idiot, I hadn't even thought about it that way.

Lindz would want me to keep going, she would tell me not to give up just because of her. She would tell me what Esme told me, that I was strong and could handle this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath walking out of Esme's office and to my room to study.

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Its been three months since the accident and still every day I fight with the thought of quitting but then I think of Lindz and what she would say and that helps me to go on. I spend some time with her when her mom will let me. I spend my nights here at the academy though, and her mom stays with her. They are still sticking with their plans and I'm dying inside about it. I pray every day that Lindz will open those beautiful eyes of hers and tell me that she loves me and doesn't want to leave.

I was getting a little excited about tonight though, Carlisle had told me this morning before drills that he was going to bring Lindz out of her medical coma. He wants to see if she will wake up or not. I was on my way to the hospital, with Esme and Emmett in my truck. We only have two more weeks left in the academy and then we graduate and find out where we will placed. Jo is still keeping right up there with Jasper and I, so I'm really worried about that.

When we got to the hospital we were greeted by her parents. Carlisle was in with another doctor that her parents brought in for her, even though I told them that Carlisle was the best around. They didn't listen to me though. I didn't wait for them to say I could go in this time, I just walked into her room and went straight to her side. I was fed up with their attitude, I loved their daughter and they were just going to have to get over it.

When I got seated next to her, with her hand in mine, I looked up to see Carlisle's lips twitch like he was fighting back a smile. I had told Esme and Carlisle that they were trying to push me out of Lindz's life and they told me to fight it, that if I wanted to be there, then be there. I knew Lindz could hear me so I leaned down and kissed her forehead, noticing that most of the bruises were gone now, and whispered how much I loved her. I told her how much I missed her, how much I needed her to wake up, and come back to me.

Her parents came in and Carlisle explained every thing to us, that he was going to give her something to bring her out of it. They had already took the breathing tube out of her, and she was doing so good breathing on her own, that he felt very confident that she was going to wake up and be okay. He said it wasn't a guaranteed though, that she hit her head pretty hard, there could still be damage to her brain, possible loss of memory as well.

I just listened and held tightly to her hand. She was going to come back to me, I knew it. I was so happy that she was going to be okay…but she wasn't.

Carlisle gave her the medicine and about an hour or two later, as her eyes started to flutter, I was right there by her side still holding onto her hand. She looked at me first and I smiled at her, but the look on her face said it all. She was scared, paralyzed with her fear of…me.

I looked at her shocked face and my heart fell to the ground. Her mom came over and took her other hand walking all over my heart, as she interrupted my moment with Lindz. Lindz looked at her mom and looked just as scared as she had when she looked at me. _Ha!_ Lindz was scared of her mom and me, what's going on? I looked up at Carlisle and he was watching Lindz, then the beautiful voice that I had been begging God to hear again, spoke in a whisper.

"Who are you? Where am I?" She was looking from her mom to me and back again.

Looking at her I realized what happened, she lost her memory… totally. She didn't even know me. She wasn't okay. Carlisle came over and asked her parents and me to step out into the hall so he could see what was happening. I stood up and started to walk out into the hall slowly. When I made it to the door I looked back at her and tried to smile, but it wasn't happy really. I was sad, scared, upset, angry, all at the same time. I didn't know

how to fit all these emotions together. I felt like I wanted to cry and hit something. Emmett seeing me like this knew what I was feeling, he came over and took me for a walk down the hall. When we stopped in the family waiting room that was currently empty, Emmett spoke to me, but I wouldn't look at him, I kept my back to him.

"Bro, calm down, dad's in there, he will fix this. She loves you, you have to know that. Would she want you to be upset?" I looked at him, letting him see my tears and I didn't give a shit either. I hadn't cried this much since my real family died and I didn't give a shit that he was seeing me like this.

"Em, you know I love her and I know she loves me, but if she has lost her memory it will be like I lost her in that crash. She will be gone, the Lindz I knew will be gone. Her stupid ass parents want to take her back to Florida with them, they don't even give a shit that I love her they don't give a shit that she loves me. They told me this was all my fault Em, **MINE! I KNEW THAT BUT WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TELL ME? WHY DOES THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO LOSE MY PARENTS OR MY SISTER? NOW I HAVE TO LOSE LINDZ, I CAN'T EM!"** I screamed at him, I couldn't help it, I was going crazy with all the guilt, pain, sadness, anger, it all just boiled over and came out of me.

It took so much out of me yelling at him like that, my legs gave out, and I fell to the ground with my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. I just wanted someone to tell me that she was going to be okay and that she was going to stay with me, but I knew deep down in my heart it wasn't going to happen. I knew in my heart that I was still going to lose Lindsay…my Lindz… a love I cherished so much.

Carlisle and Esme came to find me then and told me that her parents were in there with her, that they asked that I be kept out since I scared her. _How the fuck did I scare her? _I was pissed off that they would even ask that. Carlisle explained to me that Lindz has major memory loss, that she don't even know her parents. He said we would have to give it some time to see if her memory will come back which it very well might not.

I had a hard time choking back the anger and the tears this time, but I did it. This was it, I was losing her. I nodded to my family and walked out of the hospital to my truck. They had a right to keep me away from her, they are her parents and she is just my girlfriend in their eyes, but in mine, she was everything to me. More than just my girlfriend, she was the girl I was going to ask to marry me, to spend the rest of my life with.

I sat there in my truck for a few minutes with my head on the steering wheel thinking about everything. After a little while I wiped my eyes and headed back to the academy and threw myself back into my studies.

The last two weeks of the academy were pretty easy, just a lot of tests and studying. Every night though, Carlisle would tell me when her parents would leave for dinner and I would go over and sit with her, she always let me come in and talk to her. It was nice and I could relax when I was around her. She wasn't the same Lindz though, and that was killing me on the inside.

I told her stories of how we met, about our first date, about other dates we went on, about us moving in together, about everything. She would occasionally ask questions and I would answer them. When I got to hear her laugh and smile, that always made my day.

I told her all about the fire academy and I could see a glimmer of pride in her eyes, it gave me some hope.

"I wish I could remember you," she said with sad eyes one night after I shared my Chinese food with her. I lowered my head as her words hit me.

"Me too Lindz, I miss you." I said this and let a tear glaze down my face, she stopped it though, gently brushing it away with her finger. Just the touch of her hand on my face brought my heart to a flustered pace. I gently brought my hand up and intertwined my fingers with hers. I brought it up to my lips and let her fingers graze my lips, gently placing a kiss on each of them. "I have to tell you something, please don't get scared Lindz, just know I love you. No matter what, I'll always love you."

I needed her to know this before there wasn't anymore time to tell her. It was her next words that tore at me.

"I know that. I can see how much you loved your Lindz."

I looked up into her eyes, she was trying to tell me that she wasn't my Lindz anymore. I understood she wasn't her, but she could be again. I would love her the way she is right now, I just wish I could have a chance.

"My graduation is tomorrow night and I know you will be leaving the hospital in the morning….. My Lindz would have done anything to be there, even though my Lindz doesn't remember me, will she come if she can?" I asked. I smiled as she nodded her head.

I stood up and asked one more thing before I went back to the academy for the night.

"Can I give you a kiss on your cheek? I have a feeling I won't get to see you after tonight and I…" I couldn't hold it in anymore. I fell by her side, by the bed and felt her hand go straight to my hair. " Please Lindz come back to me. Please love me. Please, I need you Lindz. I can't lose you…I just can't."

She sat there rubbing circles in my hair and waiting until I cried it out. I got up, kissing her hand again, and went to walk out but she wouldn't let go of my hand. She brought me to her and asked me to sit on the bed. I did as she asked and she leaned up slowly and kissed me, I opened my mouth immediately and let her in.

Our tongues danced like they always did and our spark was there, I could feel it, but she was so different. She was right, she wasn't my Lindz. We were interrupted my her mom and dad as they came in the door, her mom gasping and dropping her dinner. I got up from Lindz's bed with a wink and passed them with a simple "good night."

I left the hospital so happy, but then it hit me-she was kissing me goodbye and all hope was crushed to smithereens, along with my heart.

That night I didn't dream of the house fire, I dreamed of Lindz turning her back on me and leaving. I dreamed of her saying goodbye and I knew it wasn't a dream, it was more of a prediction. I felt it and knew it was coming. I knew I had to do the right thing and let her go, and maybe when her memory returned, she would come back to me.

I couldn't fall asleep after that, so I got up and got my stuff packed for tomorrow. We already had our last test and it was graduation day and the day were we would find out where we would be stationed. I would be going home to my empty house, where all her stuff was, and wait and see if she was going to come back to me or not.

I got packed and ready for the day in my dress uniform, the only thing we didn't have yet was our assignments and our badges. The assignments would be given out in an hour, during our last class together, our badges at our graduation.

Most firefighters that go through the academy have a loved one pin them with the badge, I had asked Lindz, but since she wasn't going to remember that I asked my mom and brother to do it. I really wanted Lindz to do it. I tried to put Lindz out of my thoughts for a moment, even now knowing she had no clue who she really was, it still was hard for me to do that. I headed out of our room and down to breakfast, I ran right into Jo.

"Oh, sorry Edward. Hey, I am really sorry about Lindz."

"Thanks Jo, good luck today. I know you'll do great wherever you go." I barely looked at Jo as I walked past her, I meant every word I said truly I did, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything today.

I walked into the lunch room and sat next to Jasper, not eating anything. I wasn't really hungry. My stomach was in knots, all I wanted to do was get today over with. If Lindz was okay and coming I would be happy today, but I have no joy anymore. Nothing to be happy about. I just wanted my fucking Lindz back. Why is that such a hard request to answer?

After lunch they had us all go to a class room and sit down, I noticed that all the La Push boys made it through, yippee. I sat down next to Jasper and waited. All the instructors and the fire chiefs from all the fire departments in the area were here as well. They all stood in front of us as my mom made a speech about how we all did great and we were going to be the best of the best, blah blah blah…just tell me which fucking fire station I will be working at so I can get out of here and get this damn day over with.

"Okay the first fire chief to announce his new members will be the chief from La Push Volunteer Fire Department. Chief Clearwater."

A medium sized man came forward and of course he got all three of the La Push boys, go figure. Two more fire departments went, taking everyone except Jasper, Jo and me. They asked all three of us to stand and my mom stepped forward again.

"Okay you three scored the highest scores on the final exam, you three all tied. Jo, I know where you really want to be, I understand that. Jasper, Edward, I also know where your hearts are," she said, glancing in my direction. "So here's the deal, in the beginning I said that there were only two positions available at my fire station. I have another opening, I would like all three of you at my department."

I stood there gawking at my mom for a few minutes, then a smile crept upon my face. I got what I wanted. I got to go work with my family and with my best friend. Plus, Jo got what she wanted, to work in the department that her father was chief. I smiled over at her a genuine smile, something I hadn't done in all these months that Lindz was in a coma.

I nodded my head to her and she actually smiled back at Jasper and me, too. I think we were going to make a great team. They let us go back to our rooms to get our stuff and get ready to go, On our way back, Emmett stopped us.

"Hey you two, now the real shit happens. I'm happy for you both, you did it. Now you get to fight the real thing with us. Good job," he said and walked away.

Our graduation was getting ready to begin, we were all in our seats waiting. My head was down looking at the ground practically. I saw Esme eyeing me and tried to get me to smile, I tried for her but it didn't come out right. She mouthed the words 'I'm proud of you' to me and that got me to smile. That's when she stood up to begin.

"Ladies and gentlemen, these are your graduates." she paused as loud applause filled the area. "The ones that will be there when the call goes out, the ones to come when you are trapped in your car and can't get out, the same ones that will save your house, and possibly even you when your house is on fire. Yes ladies and gentlemen, these are our new Firemen." The applause was loud as my mom finished her starting speech.

It fit perfect and I've actually heard it a few times, she gave the same one when Emmett graduated. I listened to all the speeches, even Emmett's, his was rather funny after all. After Emmett's speech it was time to start with the pinning of the badges, then we would get to show off a little bit. We would do three drills, saving people from a high rise, cutting someone out of a car, and show off our new hose abilities.

Emmett's face was hilarious when he told the audience the drills because he actually said it just like that, rescue, cutting, and hose ability. The only ones that didn't laugh were females of course. I definitely knew how to use my hose, not that I would be doing that much anymore with Lindz…not knowing me. I shook my head to get that thought out of my head.

It was Jaspers turn to be pinned. He had asked my mom to do it, because, well, she was more of a mom to him then his own crack head mom. His dad beat on him as a kid, that's mainly how we became good friends. When I came to live with the Cullen's, Jasper was there right next door and for some reason I told him everything and he told me everything. We've been best friends ever since, now we would be doing this together.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." I heard Esme call my name and the crowd where my dad sat was loud, he had Rose with him. Like Jasper, Rose was family to us too, she was always at the house.

I stood up and went to walk onto the stage when I saw her. Lindz was standing there beside my mom. I looked at Esme first and then Lindz. I walked up to her and stood there in front of the woman I loved as she whispered and pinned me.

"Edward, I still don't remember, but I can feel that I loved you so much. I can feel a need to be with you. I am so proud of you for going on and doing this. You are a… strong, amazing, beautiful person, never forget that. Thank you for sharing your love with me. Even if it was short lived." I watched as her eyes as they flooded with tears and streamed down her face. Her lip trembled as she went on. " Congratulations." She placed my badge on my shirt and hugged me close.

I breathed in her scent and felt her relax against me. She turned around and started to walk off the stage but I stopped her, turned her around and kissed her with so much force. I wasn't letting her leave without one last kiss. I picked her up in my arms and carried her off the stage.

When we were up towards the front of the building, I released her lips and set her down so her feet were on the blacktop. I gently replaced a strand of her hair behind her ear. I looked down at her tear streaked face, out of the corner of my eye I saw her mom and dad standing there. I took her hand in mine and brought it up to my lips.

"They want to take me back to Florida, they think that maybe it will help bring back my memory to be in my childhood home. I guess it's worth a try, right?" she said shrugging her shoulders.

"Yea, I love you Lindz, always. If you start to remember anything call me." I waited for a moment so the lump in my throat would pass, and as I leaned in to kiss her forehead, her arms were instantly there, holding me to her. "If you remember me…come back to me. I'll be here waiting," I whispered, my voice broken.

She looked up at me in complete shock.

"No Edward, don't mess your life up waiting on me. Live your life. Be happy. For me. Please, do it for me," she whispered back, her own voice full of emotion.

"Lindz I did do this for you. Please don't go?" I started to lose it and beg.

"I have to Edward. Just live."

Just because she didn't die in the car doesn't mean I couldn't lose her still…she walked away from me and our love. I'm not sure what was more painful, to watch her in that mangled car as they cut her out, or to watch her walk away from me not even looking back.

They always say give the person you love wings to fly and let them soar, I was giving her hers to spread and soar, but she took off in the wrong direction….away from me.

_**** Please let me know what you think…even if its just to say you liked it. Comments keep me writing! **_


	3. Chapter 3 Jakes POV

**_I want to take a few minutes to thank you all for reading...you all rock...Don't forget to leave me some love. I love it when you all leave comments for me and make me want to write more. So thanks!_**

**_I want to thank Lindz for being an amazing beta and friend and for the amazing banners she makes me...._**

**_Don't forget to check out my blog for the teasers for this story and for other things..._**

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Chapter 3~ How Do You Tell Someone That You Love Them? (Jakes POV)

_Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly. _

_- __Louis Ginsberg_

As I pulled my car up in front of my dad's house, I looked over at the front windows, something felt off. All the lights were off and it looked like no one was home, but that couldn't be, I was supposed to be here at seven to have dinner with my dad. _I am only five minutes early, where could he be? _

I got out of my old Rabbit and pushed the door closed, actually I had to slam it to get it to close all the way. I had built this car myself and it still needed some work done to it.

I walked up the little path towards my dad's house, noticing that it was completely silent all around me, it was a little eerie. I put my key in the door handle and quietly unlocked the door, opening it slowly to the dark and what I thought to be an empty house. I was clueless to what actually lay inside the house.

"SURPRISE!" they yelled.

I was shocked to see the all people that were standing in my living room staring at me with huge smiles on their faces. I was just staring at them until she caught my eyes and I had to smile.

She was my best friend since we were kids and we had been through a lot together. She was there for me when I lost my mom and I was there for her when her mom got cancer and was in the hospital. She took care of her dad like a champ and took care of the house at the age of nine. She's the strongest person I knew and I've had feelings for her for longer then I can remember. I just didn't know how to tell her, I didn't want to ruin every thing between us.

As I smiled back at Bella, she came towards me, hugging me when she reached my side. I loved having her in my arms. She was so small and I always felt like I was protecting her when she was at my side.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in my ear, hugging me tighter. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head then looked around seeing who else was in my house for me.

It looked like everyone from the rez including Bella's family, Charlie and Renee, plus my sisters were both here. Sam and Emily, all the firemen from the rez, Quil and Embry were standing there with me too. This party wasn't just for me, it was for those two, too. Embry didn't really have a family, we were his family. His mom was a bitch who doesn't give a shit about her son, all she cared about was who was going to be in her bed at night. He didn't know his dad and that killed him. My dad and Quil's grandpa always filled that spot in Embry's life though.

On the rez we all were a tight knit family of sorts, we all looked out for each other. It was nice to know that you would always have someone around.

I stood there with Bells still by my side, while everyone congratulated me over and over about my choice of going to the fire academy and getting accepted. It was all Bella's idea though, she had talked me into going. I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to do and she helped me, like always, she was the voice of reason in my life. She always called me her sun, but she was my rainbow after the rain. She was always there to help me pick up the pieces after I screwed up, she always made way to happier days. Bells, a nickname I had called her since we were kids, she was my world and I was always lost when she wasn't around.

I had to release Bells from my hold though as I walked over to my sisters to hug them both. Rachel and Rebecca hadn't been home in a really long time, pretty much since our mom died. I don't blame them for it though, it was really hard on them when mom died. I loved my twin sisters so much, no matter how we treated each other.

Rebecca was married and lived in Hawaii, so she just didn't have the money to come home that much. Rachel on the other hand could come home whenever she wanted really. She only lived in Seattle, it just hurt her to be here. But I was thankful for them both being here now, for me.

"Good job little brother, mom would have been so proud of you," Rebecca said.

"She would have Jake. I bet she is smiling down at you right now." Rachel smiled at me. I nodded my head and hugged them both thanking them for coming and saying that.

After all the congrats and hugs, we ate dinner and devoured the giant cake, then we all went out side to talk, and all of us guys played some football.

Around nine o'clock the party started to die down and the guests started to disappear. The main ones left were Bella and her family, and mine. Bells and I were out back listening to the waves crash up on the beach, when I turned towards her, she was staring at me like she had something to say to me. I knew her looks, this had to be something big and she was scared to say it.

Grabbing her hand, I lifted her out of the chair she was in and asked her to take a walk with me. We headed towards the beach and walked towards our favorite beached tree. I sat down, but she didn't. She started to pace in front of me, back and forth, wearing a shallow path in the dry sand.

"Bells" I said, but she ignored me like I hadn't said anything. So I spoke up a little louder. "Bells, hey…just spit it out." She looked over at me and blurted out everything that was on her mind, but she was talking too fast for me to catch anything, the only thing I caught were the words…Yale, family, friends, Christmas. I took her hand and pulled her to me. I looked her in the eyes and waited a few seconds before I spoke again.

"Bella slow down and tell me everything." She took a deep breath, then spilled out everything to me again.

"Jake, I applied to Yale today," she whispered. "I'm so scared, you know this is my dream, to go Yale, get my English and teaching degrees and teach. You know how bad I want that. I'm just scared to get it. I'm scared to leave mom and dad, you, Forks…I just don't know."

I kept looking her into her eyes and could see how scared she was. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and held her for a few minutes, whispering to her that she was going to get in and that she was going to be an amazing teacher someday. But in reality I was scared too, I was scared I was going to lose my best friend. The one I loved so much that it hurt sometimes.

I looked out towards the ocean waves and realized everything was changing, just like the ocean; one minute it's calm and relaxing the next it's crashing in on the beach with the force to knock down a house.

We stayed there for a little while, until she got cold that is, with her in my arms just looking towards the ocean, not even really talking. We headed back up to my house so she could go home, it was after midnight.

She went straight to her truck and started to get in, but I stopped her.

"Bells," I paused, waiting for her to look at me. "Thanks for everything. For talking me into this. You're a great friend and I'm always here for you, I'll always love you. You know that right?" She just nodded her head and smiled. With a final hug, she got into her truck and pulled away. I stood there watching her leave.

I went into my house and crashed after she left, I had to get up at seven a.m. and head to the academy. I didn't want to be late and I wanted to make sure I wasn't tired either, but it was hard to sleep. I knew things would change but I wasn't sure if I was up for all the change that was coming my way. I knew I had to be though, there was no time for looking back and second guessing what I was about to do. I fell into a restless sleep.

D day had arrived. "D day" is what I had labeled it. The day I would leave my dad's house and live at the academy for the next eighteen weeks of pure hell. I knew what to expect too. The fire chief on the rez and where I wanted to work so bad, was best friends with my dad and I've known him since I was a baby, well, he told me what to look forward too. So I was ready for it, but just like Bells though, I was scared to get there.

I got up and out of bed, got dressed, then headed out to the kitchen to get something to eat real quick. After breakfast, I told my dad 'bye and that I would call him soon and tell him everything. I hated leaving my dad here all alone, but he told me not to worry about him, it was hard though, with him here in a wheel chair.

My dad was a trooper. He was paralyzed from the waist down when him and my mom were in the car wreck. It killed my mom instantly but my dad made it. He always blamed himself for that wreck, he had fallen asleep at the wheel and they drove off the cliff. They were coming home from visiting friends they had on the Makah reservation and on their way back, my dad fell asleep. It could have happened to anyone, but he didn't see it like that, and to tell you the truth, I didn't see it like that for a long time.

I grabbed my stuff and headed out to my rabbit and threw my stuff in, turning around to take a look at my dad in the doorway. Smiling at him, I got into my car and headed towards the academy with a final wave out the window.

Once I pulled up, I saw Quil and Embry waiting for me by Embry's truck. I smiled at them both as I got out of my car, we had all been friends for longer then I can remember. I was so happy they were doing this too. That's when I saw someone I really didn't want to see, but it was inevitable though, we knew it was coming. One of the Cullen's, the big one, was coming our way with a goofy smile on his face.

"Hey, I'm one of the instructors here at the academy, my name is Emmett," he told us, still smiling and shaking our hands. "I'll show you all to you room. Chief Clearwater made it so you all three get to bunk together. Your lucky about that. Most of the time we don't do that. But anyway…come with me."

Quil, Embry and I all followed this big ogre looking guy into the academy building, we had never been here so this was all new for us.

The big guy, Emmett, took us to our room, passing more of the Forks fire department hopefuls. There is so much hatred towards other fire departments sometimes and it was no different between our two departments. We couldn't stand them and they couldn't stand us. It was like they thought they were so much better then us because they were all paid firemen. I thought it was so stupid.

When we got to our room it was three bunks and three desks, kind of jam packed, but it would be a whole lot better bunking together than with one of us ending up with one of the Forks guys. I would have to thank Harry for that one.

After we got all settled in, one of the fire chiefs, a woman, I'm pretty sure it was Esme Cullen, Chief of Fork department, brought us our books and some papers to look over for the next day. All three of us started looking at everything right away.

After about an hour of studying, I grabbed my cell out of my bag and called my dad and talked to him for a little while, then I called Bells. I just wanted to hear her voice and that's all I really got, it went straight to voice mail.

'This is Bella, if you would like to leave me a message go ahead and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can…BEEP.'

"Bells, its me, just wanted to say hi. Trying to study and get ready for tomorrow. You don't have to call me back if you don't have time, just wanted to say….hi. Bye, Bells."

I wanted so desperately to say 'I love you Bells' but again I chickened out, just like always. I was so afraid she would tell me the same thing she told me when we were younger, "I just want to be friends Jake you know I love you but I'm not in love with you, not like that." I still remember how my heart crashed to the floor below me when she spoke those words.

After my phone calls were done, we all went down to eat lunch and sat together, Embry even brought his books with him. He was always the perfectionist. I looked over toward the table that two of the guys that I knew were going after the two spots on the Forks department were sitting, but there was also two girls with them. _That is awesome, girls in the academy. _Quil must have thought the same thing because he was staring at one of them with this dumbfounded look on his face.

I swear I could almost see the drool coming from his mouth that was hanging wide open.

"Dude, pick your mouth up off the table before you flood us out of here," I said, hitting him on the shoulder. He barely even looked my way, but he finally closed his mouth.

It was good timing too, because as soon as he closed his mouth she looked right at him, smiled and flipped him off. That shit made me laugh so hard I almost fell out of my chair.

Quil got so pissed off that we were laughing at him he got up and headed back to our room, with us right behind him still laughing. Once back in our room, I tried to call Bella again, but still no answer.

All three of us decided to go to bed early that night so we would be ready for tomorrow.

The next several weeks were crazy, for some reason or another, we kept getting in confrontations with the Forks guys, it was crazy. It was hard to be in the same room with them sometimes. I tried my hardest to just ignore them all and do what I was there to do, but it was hard.

The tests and physical stuff was hard too, harder then I thought it would be. I was getting good grades though, not the best, those went to Edward Cullen, Jasper Whitlock, and one of the girls, I think her name was Jo. I tried my hardest though, and to me, that was all that mattered.

About four weeks into the program Bells called me and asked if it was okay if she came to see me, and of course, I begged for her to come. She told me she had a huge surprise to tell me, and was so excited. When she finally got there I was outside waiting for her with the largest smile on my face. She ran over to me and jumped in my arms with the most beautiful smile spread across her amazing face.

When I put her down on her feet, she practically screamed her surprise at me, I guess she just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Jake I got in. I got in…me!"

My best friend was so excited about getting into Yale that it made me so happy to see her like this. She got a full scholarship, that way she didn't have to worry about the money, something she always worried about. She still looked scared though. I could see it in her warm chocolate eyes that she was worried about leaving everyone. I gently took her face in between my hands and looked directly in her stunning eyes and told her it was going to be okay, and that she should go and be happy. She needed to do the things that would make her happy and stop worrying about everyone else.

She always did that, she was a caregiver, she never thought about herself. She just stared at me the entire time I talked, and I told her what she already knew in her heart. After I was done she hugged me tight and I finally led her inside. She ate dinner with us and sat at the table with Quil, Embry and I. Somehow though, she knew someone else here, someone who was sitting at the table along with Emmett.

_She waved at Jo? _I watched in shock as Jo got up from her seat and came towards our table smiling at Bells. They hugged as soon as Jo got over to us and started talking about old stories. I just watched as they chatted for a few minutes and Bella turned towards me, seeing the questions in my eyes, and finally explained how she knew Jo.

"Jake, I've known Jo for years. Jo's dad used to be the fire chief at Forks Fire department. Him and Charlie are best friends, I went to elementary school all the way through high school with Jo," she told me, then she turned towards Jo. "When did you get back? The last I heard you were at Harvard getting your law degree."

"I've been back for about a month Bella. As for Harvard, um, I gave up on the law degree and came back, finally telling my dad what I truly wanted to do, and well, here I am."

"Well, I'm glad you here, I've missed you. How are you doing around all these guys?" Bells asked her. After that they started talking about guys and shit so I tried to tune it all out. I didn't even want to hear Bells say she thought any of them were cute.

I watched as Cullen walked in the room and darted straight into line to get some food, then hurried over to their table where another woman, that usually wasn't here, was sitting by Emmett. Once he got over to where she was, she looked up at him and I knew that must be his woman. At least I wouldn't have to worry about him taking Bells away from me.

My attention was pulled back towards our table as Jo left to go finish her dinner and Bells started talking to me again.

She stayed long enough for dinner to be over then she left, but before she could leave I pulled her into my arms for a big hug and told her she was doing the right thing going to school. I told her to be happy. She told me she would be leaving in a week, but she promised to be back for thanksgiving.

I told her how much I would miss her, but I made her promise to e-mail me or call me and tell me everything. I even said I loved her, and of course she took it like I knew she would- like I meant it as a friend, but in my heart I didn't. I loved Bells with all my heart and soul and had for a long time. I just wish I knew how to make her see that.

I watched as Bells got in her truck and drove out of my life for a while. But she would be back, and for that I was happy.

As I headed back in after watching Bella's tail lights disappear, I saw Edward saying goodbye to his girl too. I almost felt bad for him, he looked like he didn't want her to go, but we had a early class in the morning, and she wouldn't really be aloud to stay.

I went ahead and went inside and gave him his time to say goodbye. I had a eerie feeling though and got worried about Bells, so I called her cell real quick when I got inside and got my cell phone out of my room. She said she was already at home and safe so I just passed it off as nothing. Then I heard the alarms go off for Forks department and everyone was yelling.

I watched it all happen, but then I saw something that truly pissed me off. Edward, who isn't even a firemen yet, got to go on the truck and to the call. I was more then pissed off, I was steaming. Then I found out that it was that girl he had here in the car wreck and that she wasn't doing too good. That's when I realized that it could have been Bella and that scared the shit out of me. I would have jumped on the truck if I hadn't heard from her a few minutes earlier and knew she was safe, I wouldn't have cared if they told me no.

I couldn't be mad after all that. I understood why he went and didn't fault him one bit for it.

The next couple of weeks were hard for him, we could all see that. Even though I didn't like him, I really didn't know him well enough to like him, I still felt bad for him. He wasn't doing too good, anyone could see that. We all thought he would have quit but he didn't.

The rest of the time at the academy, we all worked our asses off. Bells called me all the time and that made me happy because every time she called she sounded happy. The happiest I had ever heard her really, she had a few new friends even.

After everything, all the tests, all the agility tests and written ones were all over, I actually passed and got my position at La Push Fire Department, so did Quil and Embry.

It was the day of our graduation and we were all ready. What I didn't know was that Bella was there and that she had a huge surprise for me.

I listened through all the stupid normal speeches, then it was time for them to call us up there and we were to be pinned.

When it was my turn to go up there I looked up thinking I was going to find my dad, but it wasn't only my dad standing there, Bells was standing there next to him. She was smiling right at me as I walked up on stage, she was the one with my badge in her hand. I walked up to her and stood before the woman that I loved, knowing I totally had a cheesing smile on my face, but this was a great feeling. I had done it, I had done this by myself, for myself. I was going to be a firemen and help save other lives.

As Bella pinned me with my badge, an overwhelming feeling of pride swept through me. I could see how much pride Bella had for me in her eyes, and knowing that she felt that way made me the happiest man alive. Maybe one day I would be able to tell her that.

After the long ass graduation ceremony, I watched Bells head out towards her truck, she told me she forgot something out there. I watched as Edward Cullen bumped right into her.

_He bumped right into my Bella and didn't even say sorry or anything, he made sure she had her balance and walked off, what the fuck is up with that guy? Damn I want to fuck him up. _I ran towards her to make sure she was okay.

"Bella, are you okay?" She looked at me all spaced out and shit. "Bella…Bella," I said, waving my hand in front of her face.

"Oh, yeah Jake I'm fine. Who was that?" she asked me.

"That guy that fucking almost knocked you down, that's Cullen. He's a fucking ass. Are you sure you're okay?" She nodded her head.

I wrapped my arms around my best friend and helped her to her truck. When we got there, she got something out of the cab of the truck and handed it to me. It was a box, wrapped in wrapping paper that said congratulations all over it. Her smile lit up her whole face, making me smile in return. I loved seeing her happy.

I ripped off the paper and opened the box, it was a shirt, that had a firefighter on the back that said 'We fight what you fear'. I loved it, it could have been a piece of coal or something and I would have loved it because it came from her.

"I love it. Thanks Bella." I grabbed her and pulled her into me hugging her close. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to keep her with me forever.

I closed my eyes letting my mind wander to what it would be like to be with her. To have her as mine and not just as my friend. To make sweet passionate love to her. To always smell her strawberry shampoo, to slowly take her clothes off and kiss her all over. I slowly let my hands travel all over her sweet, smooth skin.

I slowly laid her down on my bed, her eyes begging me to take her. I planted soft open mouthed kisses on her jaw, moving to her ear, down her neck then to her breasts. I took one into my mouth and gently tugged, hearing her moan with the pleasure I was giving her. Leaning up, I softly whispered her name, "Bella, I love you." She smiled at me and I let my hand travel all the way down to her core, dipping my finger inside of her and she's already wet and ready for me.

When I pulled my finger out, I let my thumb travel up to her clit, making slow circles, massaging it and making her moan again. She was withering under my touch. I slipped a second finger into her and she bucked her hips at me. I smiled loving the reaction I was getting from her.

She pulled away all to soon, snapping me out of my little day dream of us. I smiled at her and her smile was just as big.

"Hey, I was going to get you one that said 'Take them down leave them wet'. We both laughed at that. I loved to hear her laugh, Bella had been through a lot in her life, but we were always there for each other. I just wished that I could tell her that I loved her.

"How long are you here for Bells?" I asked her.

"A week, then I have to head back to school, but I will be back for Thanksgiving like I said."

I smiled at her and hugged her again.

"Bells, thanks for coming and doing this, you have no idea what that meant to me. Really Bells, I will never forget this day, ever." I could still she that pride in her eyes.

"I was so happy to do that for you Jake, I'm so proud of you. You did it all by yourself. I'm so happy for you." I grabbed her around the waist again and hugged her tight.

A couple days later I said goodbye to the woman I loved without telling her what she meant to me.

Little did I know it would be the worst mistake of my life…

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**Please Let me know what you think...**


	4. Ch 4 Life of the everyday Firefighter

I need to thank my beta and one of my best friends for everything, Lindz thanks babe! There is another person I need to thank Erik, your the reason I actually got this chapter done, so thanks so much for everything you do for me and for the push to get it done. You are amazing and a treasure to me. Love you!

You all know the drill: I dont own the characters I just like to play with them, now with that I do own the character of Jo and Lindz, so please no taking my characters.

Enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think please...

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Chapter 4 ~ Life of the Everyday Fireman…(Edwards Pov)

The funny thing about firemen is, night and day, they are always firemen. ~Gregory Widen, Backdraft

I had a week after graduation for myself before I started work. It was so quiet and boring at my house, though I had tried to be anywhere but there. I spent a lot of time at Emmett's apartment with him. I knew he was getting sick of me, but I hated being at my place, it was killing me slowly being there.

Lindz was gone, but her presence wasn't. I could smell her on the sheets even though I've washed them about ten times trying to make it go away. I could still see her by the kitchen stove trying to cook pancakes for me, even though she couldn't cook worth a lick. I could feel her wrapping her arms around me by the back sliding glass door while we watched the sun set one night.

I was going to have to do something about it though, maybe I should move, get a place smaller then this one. This one had so much room, too much for someone who wasn't going to be here all the time. I bought this house for Lindz, she loved it and just had to have it. Now I hated it so much I wanted to tear the walls down or burn it to the ground, smoldering the memories within the ashes.

The week was torturing me, so when the week was over I was the happiest person to go to work, never thought I'd be thinking that, but I was all shits and grins that day.

I got up, showered, dressed, grabbed my bag and rushed out of that house. While in the shower this morning I made up my mind, that I was going to keep the house, but rent it out and get myself a small apartment like Emmett's. Plus it would give me some extra money.

When I arrived at the fire house Jo was walking out, she was just coming off her first twenty-four hour shift. She looked really tired.

"Hey Jo, how was it?"

She looked up at me and smiled, but you could still tell she was tried.

"It was great. We had a car wreck and a house fire last night. But I'm beat, I'm heading home and crashing. Oh, and watch out for Hot sauce."

"Hot sauce?" I asked wondering what in the world she was talking about.

"Just trust me, watch out for hot sauce." I nodded my head at her and watched as she lumbered over to her truck and got in.

As I walked into the fire house I could hear Emmett's booming laugh over everyone else's, but I couldn't see anyone. I walked into the kitchen area and there they all were. Emmett was sitting next to my mom and all the other firemen, they were all laughing their asses off at something but as soon as they saw me they stopped.

Esme looked up at me and tried her best not to look like a proud mother but she failed miserably. I smiled at her and turned around to head towards the bunks. When I reached the room I saw Jasper sitting on the bunk I wanted with a huge smile on his face.

"Dude get up, you know that's my bunk." He just kept on smiling at me as he got up off the bed.

Walking over to one of the others not occupied, he sat his stuff down on the bed. I looked over at him, he was staring at his phone laughing.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" I asked.

"Alice just texted me, we've talked all the time this past week. We are going out this Saturday to that new bar down the road from my place."

Before I could say anything, Emmett came into the room and started barking orders at us. I looked over at Jasper and we both said the same damn thing at the same damn time.

"It starts…"

The day was great, we were what they called rookies so we got to do all the grunt work. Clean the bathrooms, clean the bays that the trucks were in, truck checks, truck maintenance, wash hose, lace hose, take the hoses here, there, and every where. It was crazy. Emmett was getting a kick out of bossing us around too, I could see it in his face.

Right around dinner time we were told that we had to make dinner for everyone, that it was the job of the rookies to cook. I knew better then complain, that would only make it worse. Why would I complain though? I was doing something I loved and I wasn't stuck in that house where the memories were eating me alive.

Jasper and I were in the kitchen making chili when my mom, or the chief, came in and over to the pot, dipping a spoon in to taste it. She knew I could cook really well, but she acted like she had no clue. Jasper just chuckled making Esme smile at both of us as well.

"Tastes great guys, how's your first day going?"

"It's going great, chief," I said with my signature crooked smile.

We got the chili done and out to our shift mates. As we were eating, Emmett slid a bottle of hot sauce down to me and Jasper.

"Okay boys, this is something we do with all the new rookies." I knew right away that this was what Jo had warned me about. I smirked at Emmett, as I looked over at Jasper. Emmett continued with his story. " So since all rookies think they can handle anything hot and that they are so strong, this is how we try to show them that it takes more then big muscles to fight fires. This is what you have to do. I will be doing it with you all to show you that I'm not scared and can handle it. You will chug the whole bottle of hot sauce."

I knew my eyes were huge and so were Jaspers. I knew I could say no and not do this, so that's what I did.

"Dude, there is no fucking way I'm doing that shit. Fuck that." Esme smiled and nodded her head at me.

I looked over at Jasper and saw it right away, he was actually thinking about doing this. He was going to chug it. I've seen Jazz use hot sauce on everything, but I didn't think he could chug it. Jaspers voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"So Emmett your going to do this with me right? What do I get if I do this?"

"You wont have to do kitchen duty for your next two shifts. Look, I'll do it first, that way you can see that it can be done." As Em said this he twisted the lid off his bottle and placed it to his lips not even flinching as it touched his lips.

Emmett is a big guy and I've seen him take a lot of shit, but what I saw next surprised the hell out of me. Emmett tipped the bottle up and chugged the whole contents of his hot sauce bottle, without a sweat or a flinch. He didn't even stop to take a breath. As he finished he slammed the bottle down on the table with a 'ahhh' sound.

I was so stunned that he could actually do that and not be dying for something to drink. He wasn't even fanning himself. I looked over at Jasper and he unscrewed the lid and tipped the bottle up, his eyes went huge at once, but he didn't stop until the whole bottle was empty.

It went silent all around the table, Emmett looked shocked this time as Jasper was trying to control the raging fire in the pit of his stomach. His face was turning blood red and his eyes were full of tears. After a few seconds of complete silence, Jasper darted towards the kitchen. Emmett and Esme went after him, Esme hitting him in the back of the head on the way there. I was totally thanking Jo in my head for not letting me have to go through that, for warning me. I just wished I had warned Jasper.

The rest of my shift was totally uneventful, not one damn call. I was totally disappointed, I craved a call to go to, my first shift sucked ass.

The next morning at six a.m. my shift was officially over. Jasper and I headed out of the fire house and to our vehicles. Esme stopped us on the way out and told us to have a good day and get some sleep. She also told us both to come by the house the next day for dinner. We both agreed and got into our vehicles and headed to our homes.

When I got the house I couldn't stand to even look at. I went to the mail box and grabbed my mail, muttering to myself as I crossed the street back towards the house.

"Bill, bill, bill…." I couldn't speak as I saw the next piece of mail. It was addressed to me from Lindz. My heart was thudding in my chest…I couldn't take my eyes away from her name on the envelope.

I slowly walked back into a house that was once ours and sat down on the couch, throwing the rest of the mail on the coffee table, only keeping her letter in my hand. It smelled like her, like wildflowers. I missed her so much, even more with her letter and her smell permeating around me.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I slowly opened the envelope and took the letter from its confines. I closed my eyes, not wanting to actually read the words she had written, but still in my heart wanting to hear her thoughts.

iEdward,

Hello. I know I really have no right to be writing to you, but I have no one else to actually to talk to. I still have no memory of who you were to me but I feel very close to you. I can feel the strong bond we had together. The doctors here are really great and understanding. They all think that I should, after some time, get my memory back. I'm not that positive myself, really, but I'm trying.

I had a dream the other night about you. You were pushing me on a swing in a field, it looked like out in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful, full a flowers and I could hear rushing water off in the distance. I can't remember anything else of the dream, but the beauty of the meadow we were in and the feel of you pushing me up in the air. Is it real? Did we really do that?

I know I really have no right to ask anything from you, with me leaving like I did, but could you write me back? Could you maybe tell me some things about our life together or even your life there? I really just stay here in the house without a single person to really talk to.

I wasn't even going to write this letter because of all I did, but I hope you have the heart to at least read it.

With all my….

Lindsay /i

I stared at that letter for what seemed like hours, but it was only minutes at the most. I was frozen, glued to the words she had written. First, I was pissed that she had no one to talk to, I could see my Lindz sitting there bored out of her mind, upset and not able to get it all out, that would kill her. Secondly, I wished she didn't fear writing me, I hated that. Yeah she left me and all and I feared opening the letter, but she shouldn't fear me. Thirdly, the dream wasn't a dream, it was a memory.

I took her to my meadow by my parents house that had burned down. She sat down on the swing, that beautiful smile lighting up her face in the warm sunshine. You could smell the flowers from miles before you got to that meadow. I pushed her on my swing for hours that day. It was a magical day and I remembered it like it was yesterday.

I'm hoping it was a sign that maybe her memory was coming back, but like her, I just couldn't get my hopes up. Still paralyzed from the words of the letter, feeling her so close to me with her words, I took out a piece of paper and wrote her back.

I told her that she could write any time and that I would try really hard to answer every letter she wrote to me. I told her how the dream was real and described the whole day to her in detail. The smells, sounds, sights, everything, like we were really there. I told her everything about that day, the picnic we had on the ground, going down to the little brook and putting our feet in the water, everything I could think of I told her. I also told her about renting out our house and how it was just too much room for just me, I hoped she would understand.

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My next shift, again started out so slow, not a call, until late that afternoon.

As the tones went off for my first official call, the adrenaline pumped throughout my body, I was scared and excited at the same time. The call came across the pagers in the firehouse blaring throughout my own as well, the call was a house fire. I ran to my gear placing my hands on the boots connected to my pants and put my feet in, pulling the bunker gear up at the same time. Grabbing my coat and my helmet, I jumped into the truck next to Emmett, who had a huge ass grin on his face.

"You ready for this little brother?" I smiled at him nodding my head, but I really wasn't ready for what I saw when we arrived on the scene.

Jumping out of the truck I stood there for a second, taking in the devastating scene before me. Esme stared at me a moment before she came to me and shook me a little.

"Edward, lets go. We have to get in there, they said there might be a little girl in there." The words she spoke shook me out of it, not her shaking me. I went around the back of the truck to pull some hoses and Emmett placed his large hand on my shoulder.

"Let's go," he said

He handed me an air tank and mask, or a Self contained breathing apparatus, blah blah blah, I hated all those stupid terms that were still stuck in my head from the academy terms that we really never used. I followed Emmett towards the house and he showed me how to go in the house, even though I knew, but he said he had to still show me. I heard the whimpering sound coming from where I was standing. Tapping Em on the shoulder I pointed towards what looked like a living room. He nodded and we headed towards the sound, putting small flames out on our way.

I saw the little girl first. I picked her little body up in my arms and she curled into me, not scared of me at all. Tears came in a torrential down pour, leaving streaks down her soot stained cheeks, as she buried her face in my coat. I reassured her that it was going to be okay and Emmet followed us out of the house. It caved in as we made it out to the truck, there was no way we could have saved the house. I was happy to see that the little girls parents had made it though, she wouldn't have to live with the nightmares I had to live with constantly.

I carried the little girl over to the paramedics and to a lovely blonde haired woman. She smiled at me telling me 'Good Job'. She looked down at the little girl and asked her to tell her what her name was. I froze as the little girl spoke her name.

"My name is Lindsay."

Her parents were by her side by then and all I could do was stare into the little girl's eyes as tears threatened to spill over the rim of my eyes. I vaguely heard the woman tell the little girl that it was going to be okay, that she was going to take care of her and that her name was Rosalie but that Lindsay could call her Rose. I had saved Lindsay's life as her world came crashing in around her. Her house I couldn't save just like I couldn't stay in Lindz's and my house, but I did save my Lindz.

I backed away from the little girl, being patted on the back, being told 'Good Job' over and over, I didn't feel like I did a good job though. Yeah I saved that little girl, her parents are okay, but I still, for some reason, felt like I had failed.

The ride back to the fire house was quiet, no one talked to me and if they did, I wasn't really paying any attention. I stared out the window of the truck, thinking about Lindz and the day of the car accident, thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't saved her, how I would have lost her. But the thing was, even with everything I had done I had lost her, so was it really worth it? She was alive it had to be worth it. That was the last thought that crossed my mind as we backed the truck into the fire house.

As soon as I jumped out of the truck Emmett was by my side telling me all about the paramedic that was on the scene, the one named Rose, Yeah, Emmett was head over heels already. He wouldn't shut up. Finally I had enough and walked back towards the bunks to lie down, but I wasn't alone very long.

"Edward are you okay?" the Chief asked me. But I could tell she wasn't asking me as the chief, she was asking me as my mom.

Nodding my head at her she sat down on the bed next to me and stared directly in my eyes.

"Mom, I'm moving out of the house and going to get an apartment like Emmett's, I just can't live there anymore," I said, shaking my head sadly. "Its just too much and then that call and that little girl being named Lindsay, wow. I just don't know, I got a letter from Lindz the other day and she doesn't sound like she is okay, she sounds miserable. I hate that, I want her here in my arms, in our house, I just want my Lindz back."

"I know Edward, I know. I think you moving is a good thing, maybe give you a new start. What are you going to do with the house?" Esme asked.

"I thought about renting it out to someone. Not sure yet, I just know I can't live there anymore. Do you think Emmett…" I was cut off by Emmett's loud laugh.

"Do you think Emmett can what?" he asked smiling.

"If I get an apartment would you help me move?"

"Sure, of course I would. Hey, actually there is an apartment available where I live. I could put in a good word for you." I smiled at him and nodded my head.

Two weeks later I was packing up and moving into my new apartment, everyone was at my house to help out, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and even Jo came to help me pack up and move. It was weird packing up certain things that Lindz and I had gotten together. We had so many memories that I cherished, things I just couldn't get rid of, things I was shipping to Lindz, things that I was taking with me.

I hadn't gotten a letter back from Lindz yet and I was a little disappointed. I wanted to know that she was okay with what I was doing. I mean it was her house too even if she didn't remember it.

It took us all day to get everything packed up and moved over to my apartment, it wasn't really small at all, it was perfect actually. Once everything was packed in and set up, everyone left.

Emmett had a double date tonight with Rose, Jasper, and Alice. I was excited for him, he needed someone to kick him around and she looked like just the type. I had decided to pull a extra shift at the fire house tonight, so I got dressed and headed out.

As soon as I pulled in though, the tones were going off.


	5. Chapter 5 Life of the Everyday Probie

_**I need to take a few seconds as always and thank the best beta and friend ever, Lindz you are amazing. Also a huge thanks goes out to Red and Erik you two are amazing and I love you both! Hugs…**_

_**Next there is now a blog for this story, Please Please check it out….http://chasingfire-ladyali(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**_

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_**Chapter 5~ Life of the Everyday Probie (Jakes POV)**_

_**Firemen: your worst day is our everyday. ~Michael Perry**_

_**(volunteer firefighter from Wisconsin, as quoted in Into the Fire)**_

Waking up as the tones wailed through my pager and throughout the house, I tried to ignore it at first, but then jolting up and out of bed, I remembered what the chief had told Embry, Quil, and I yesterday. That if the tones go off right before our shift to get to the fire house right away. My shift didn't start for another three hours, but that didn't really matter to me any ways, Harry said he would need us.

Jumping out of bed and throwing on my uniform, I ran out of my house as fast as I could as I was still trying to get my pants on. Flat out darting to my car, I jumped in and peeled out, the dust from the drive flying in all directions behind me, throwing small pebbles out every where. Looking down at my clock on my radio I realized it was only four thirty in the morning, good thing too, that meant no one would be out an about just yet, thankfully.

Adrenaline coursed through my veins, waking me up even more then I already was. I raced down the road to get to the fire house so I could go on my first official call as a fireman of the La Push Volunteer Fire Department. I was going a little over the speed limit and had my little red light going on the top of my car, so the little traffic that I did come upon got out of my way fast.

Pulling into the station at the same time as Quil, we both parked our cars and jumped out making a mad dash inside, as the others were jumping into the trucks.

"You boys get to work making breakfast for us, we will be back as soon as we are done. Get settled in, its been a long night for us," Harry yelled from inside of the truck as he pulled out, lights and sirens blaring.

"Welcome to the department probie," Lain Sarna said while he leaned over Harry looking directly over at me. Harry and the others were laughing and waving at us as they went.

Embry came out of the kitchen looking like Quil and I both at the moment, totally disappointed. All of us wanted to go on our first call, we were craving it, almost like we could taste it.

"What was the call? I didn't even take the time to listen to it, I just got dressed and came straight here," Quil asked us.

"Alarm drop at the school, something we could have handled easily," Embry said.

We had done training at the school for the very thing, during out time at the academy. Frustrated, we all went into the kitchen and got to work on their breakfast. We knew that this was one of our jobs any ways, probies always ended up doing all the cooking and cleaning.

As soon as they got back we had it all finished and ready for them. Chief Clearwater looked impressed. Eggs, bacon, toast, and juice laid out on the table ready for all of them to eat, and plenty of it too. Firemen could consume a lot of food after a call. They were gone for about two hours. Long enough for the first shift paid firemen to get there, so we had to make breakfast for them too.

As soon as they were done eating they left us a little of the food and told us to clean up after we were done. We sat there in silence eating until the food was gone and until the chief came back into the room and grabbed a cup of coffee. The night shift guys left right after eating.

It got quiet in the fire house after that, all except Paul that is. You could hear him upstairs running his mouth about something that happened last night with my sister. He had been dating Rachel for over a year but broke up last month and I couldn't stand him. He had broke my sisters heart and that shit pissed me off.

"Boys, we are getting ready to do some training on the trucks, so get this mess cleaned up so you can join," Harry told us, making me jump a little after trying to listen to see what Paul was complaining about. If he was running his mouth about my sister I would shut it for him.

All three of us nodded our heads and started getting everything cleaned up. We cleaned in silence again. By the time we got done it was already eight in the morning and our shift had already technically begun .

Our shift was from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon. Quil, Embry, and I would have to work this shift 'til we got our bearings and became paid firemen. If there was a call at night we could go to those calls as well, it would give us more points and more experience to help us become paid firemen.

As soon as we were done cleaning Harry came in to get us and bring us out to the truck bays. He introduced us to the other firemen that were on our shift. There was another probie that started two weeks before us, from a school in California, his name was Ty Randal.

Ty was cool though, he looked like the rest of us. Come to find out, his mother grew up here on the rez and he was one of my cousins. His mom and my mom were cousins, but him and his mom moved to California when his dad died. His dad used to be the chief here at the fire department, before Harry became chief.

The rest of the firemen I already knew; when you live on the rez, everyone knew everyone. We were a close knit family so to say.

On our shift we had Sam Uley, Paul Sarna, Jared Mcburney, Devon Lebmon and us four probies.

When we walked into the bay, the Chief and all the other paid men were standing there looking at us. Harry smiled then turned to Sam.

"They are all yours Sam." With those words Harry turned and walked towards his office with his coffee still in his hand. His secretary Kathy was standing there with a stack of papers for him to sign.

Sam and the others watched as the Chief walked away then turned to us smiling the same way Harry had been.

"Today, boys, we are going to teach you where we keep everything in the trucks, plus do some maintenance to them as well. You will be required to do the maintenance on each truck every morning after breakfast. You will also be required to know where everything is on each truck, so that is were we will start. Jared, go get me a hose clamp."

We all watched as Jared went to engine number 1109, straight to the back door grabbing a hose clamp and running it back to Sam, placing it in his hand and stepping back into the line. Sam smiled at him and stepped towards us.

"Jared and Devon will be showing you were everything is on the trucks today, listen to them. I will be asking you today, at the end of your shift, to get me something off the trucks. If you don't get it right all of us will have to stay until you do and Paul doesn't like to stay after. So my advice to you is make sure all of you know your stuff."

Sam nodded to Jared and Devon and we all got our first shift under way. They took us through each truck one by one, slowly, so we could see where everything was. After that they left us so we could become familiar with the trucks and could go back over each one learning them.

It took all day and we still had maintenance to do on each truck. Around noon the guys came back in and started pulling the trucks out of the bays. After they were each pulled outside, each driver of the trucks came back around to us and handed us a clipboard for each truck. The clipboard had a piece of paper on it with all the stuff we had to do to each truck; check the lights, make sure the siren works, check the breaks, oil, we even had to wash each truck.

In the middle of doing all the maintenance Seth came walking through the parking lot. Seth was the chiefs fourteen year old son. He had this 'wow you all are amazing, so I'm going to follow you all around attitude'. He followed Quil, Embry, and I everywhere we went. It drove us nuts, usually we tried to ditch him, but here at the fire house I guess that would be impossible.

He walked right by us though and straight into Harry's office. We could hear Harry talking to him and Harry telling Seth to leave us alone, that we were working. As soon as we were done with all our work the guys brought the trucks back in and checked them over to make sure we had done a good enough job. Once they were satisfied they lined up again in front of us.

Sam looked over at Devon and he told me to find a Self Contained Breathing Apparatus. I went straight to the truck and brought an air tank and mask back to him. They all smiled and I took my place back in line with the rest of the probies. Embry and Ty were both told to get their items and they both did great, but it was Quil's turn now, and Sam was the one telling him. Sam looked over at Quil and at all the paid firemen and smiling, told Quil his object. I almost laughed but kept it in when I saw Jared look at me with a face that I thought could kill.

" Quil, go get me a Hose Stretcher."

I had figured they would try something to mess us up, but damn, this one was an old trick, the thing was Quil actually went to look for it. Shaking my head I knew we would be here for awhile.

While Quil looked for the 'Hose Stretcher', Seth came out and stood next to Sam.

"What's going on?" he asked Sam.

"Hey Seth. Well, we are testing these newbies on where things are located on the trucks and we told Quil to find the hose stretcher." When Sam said the words hose stretcher he winked at Seth and Seth started dying laughing.

Even the kid knew that a hose stretcher was a fireman. There was no tool, a fireman stretched the hose out. _Damn it Quil! _

While I was watching Quil, Seth came over and stood next to me, arms crossed over his chest.

"You all are lucky they didn't do the hot sauce trick on you all, I've seen them do that one and the guy they did it too, well, lets just say his mouth is still burning." Seth chuckled, but I had no clue what he was talking about.

"Seth what are you talking about?" I asked.

Seth looked totally stunned.

"You never heard of the hot sauce trick, its even older then the hose stretcher trick. Okay, one of the bottles is filled with tomato juice the other is filled with hot sauce. The firefighters bet the newbies that they can't chug the bottle and they say they will do it with you. But really they are just drinking the tomato juice while your mouth is burning and you're screaming and they are laughing. It's crazy to watch."

"Wow they really do that? Yikes." He just shook his head.

Quil came around the truck as Seth finished the story looking totally disappointed.

"Man I can't find it anywhere."

Rolling my eyes at him I told him what Sam had done and explained to him that the firemen were the hose stretchers. He didn't think it was right for them to try to trick us, but Seth explained how they always do it, it's a tradition and all firemen do it to welcome in the probies.

After all was said and done, we finally got to go home, after Quil ranted and raved about it for twenty minutes straight.

Rolling my eyes at him, Embry and I both walked out into the parking lot and to our cars leaving him standing there still talking to himself.

That night after I got home from my first official post, I ate dinner and crashed. I was so tried and the adrenaline from hoping to get to go on my first official call, had taken its toll on me. Plus, I knew I would need my rest for the next day's shift. There was no telling what Sam would have in store for us.

Waking up the next morning to what I thought was my alarm, but wasn't, it was my cell phone telling me I had a text. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand next to me, I looked down to see it was a text from Bella…

**Hey you, I'm all settled in and so excited to start classes. **

**Hope all is good with you, how's the new job going? **

**I hope all is great. Give your dad a big hug for me k…**

**Love ya**

I typed a fast reply, telling her that everything was good, work was great, and at the end typing the Love you too, but to me, I really meant it, I only wished she did too.

Getting up out of bed and grabbing some clothes and a towel, I headed straight for the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work. Standing there under the steaming hot water, I thought about Bells and how much she meant to me, without even realizing what I was doing. I ended up stroking it to her face, looking deep into her eyes, eyes that always saw right through me. I could hear her say my name…Jacob, oh, fuck me Jake. Pumping harder, I was almost there when my cell phone went off again, another text. Trying my hardest to ignore it, I keep stroking until I screamed out Bella's name and I'm pretty sure the words Holy Shit came out of my mouth too.

With my head against the wall of my shower, trying to catch my breath but failing miserably, I slowly released my dick and stood up straight. Taking a deep breath I slowly stepped out of the shower and wondered what the hell brought that on. I hadn't jacked off in a long time, hadn't had to really. _Damn, thinking of Bells like that was hot. _

Shaking my head to get myself out of that thought, I dried off real fast and got dressed. I walked back to my room and grabbed my cell only to realize it was Sam who had texted me this time.

The text from Sam was simple and to the point, just like Sam. Go to my old house. Was all it said. So I hurried up and finished getting ready, grabbed me a bite to eat and drove straight to Sam's old burnt down house.

The drive over, I recalled the day that Sam's house had almost burnt to the ground with Emily in it. She was trapped upstairs and couldn't get out, the stairs had caved in. I could still remember every detail in perfect clarity.

_Hearing the fire trucks at the age of twelve was always the best part of the day if they went out. I loved to stand out there and watch them drive by, my dad in the front seat waving to me as they drove past. I wanted to be just like him and couldn't wait to be old enough to go to the academy and train to be a real fireman. _

_My dad was only a volunteer but he loved it. _

_I could smell the smoke in the mid-day air before I heard the sirens. I knew it had to be close. Running up the beach a little from where I was hanging out with my friends, I could see the flames billowing out of Sam Uley's house. _

_Standing there staring at the house being engulfed in flames, I suddenly heard a woman screaming for help. Looking in every direction, I heard the sirens but they were still a ways off, and I was just a kid, I couldn't do anything. She was begging and praying for help. I knew the voice, it was Sam's fiancé, Emily…_

"_HELP….PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP ME…SAM, PLEASE COME SAVE ME…I CAN'T GET…" I could hear her coughing and knew the smoke was getting to her. I desperately was praying right along with her that Sam and the firemen got to her fast enough._

_I knew this was going to devastate Sam but he was a tough fireman; he could go in there and get her and come out with nothing wrong. _

Boy was I wrong. Emily came out of that house hurt badly. The fireman had gotten there a few minutes later and Sam ran into that house like a bat out of hell, but it took him forever to reach her. She ended up with bad burns on her face and down her arm. Every time I saw Emily I thought of that fire and the urge I had to get in there and save her at the age of twelve. That fire was the reason I became a firemen in the first place.

Pulling into the drive way, looking over at that guys, I could see it all happening again, like everyone were ghost people running around, flames still blazing inside the two story house. That two story house was just a pile of burnt ashes now. Sam and Emily had been wanting to rebuild but they haven't had the money.

Getting out of my car, I headed over to where all the guys were standing. Quil and Embry were already there.

"What took you so long?" Quil asked.

"I was in the shower, damn how did you get here so fast?"

"I rode over with Embry."

We watched as Sam walked around his old house with a downcast face. Then he started to talk and everything went quite around us, not even a bird chirped.

"Most of you know this, being as we live on a reservation and we are such a tight knit community, but I need the newbie's to hear this story. Jake, I know you were there and I know the fire urged you to be a fireman, so you need to hear this story just as much as the others." Looking at me as he said this, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and went on with his story. "Being such a tight knit community has its advantages and its disadvantages. We know everyone around here so if one of us needs something there is always someone there to help out. But, when fire strikes or danger strikes you always end up knowing the person that its happening too. As a firefighter you cannot freak out. The day my house caught fire with Emily trapped inside was one of the worst days of my life. Jake you arrived first and through talks with me and your dad I know you wanted to go in there and save Em. You were just a kid and still felt that pull to save her, but like I said you were just a kid."

"But Sam I could have…." he stopped me from saying what I was going to say.

"No, you couldn't have. Emily was trapped upstairs, the stairs had collapsed, the fire was raging when we got there. I could hear Emily screaming begging to be helped. I ran in there, only thinking of her and that was my first mistake. I didn't care about my safety or anyone else's. I just wanted her out of that house…yes I got her out, but that house fire will always be etched into her face and arm for the rest of her life. She always says it's a part of her, a part of her journey in life. Emily is a very strong person, I'm a very lucky man. But what I'm saying is, you can't panic, or rush into something even if you know the person inside. You have to take a minute to look at the bigger picture. You're going to know the people that get hurt, but you have to think of the others before you act."

He kept looking at each of us as his talk went on, he was drilling it into our brains over and over, think before you act. He was right though, we would know everyone, and I knew that was going to be hard.

What I didn't know was that Sam's lesson would have to be put into action a few weeks later….

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanksgiving weekend came fast, I was working my butt off at the fire department, we had several calls since Sam's talk, but nothing that bad had happened. A kid almost drowned at First Beach but he was fine; an old lady burnt some toast and swore her house was on fire, but when we got there she wouldn't let us in and sent her huge giant dog after us. The life of a fireman was crazy at times but I was loving every minute of it.

I had talked to Bella a lot since she moved, she called me all the time and we texted back and forth. It was great, we were getting even closer then we already were.

She was on her way home for Thanksgiving and I was so excited to see her. I couldn't wait to sit down and talk face to face without a phone and a few states in between us. I wanted to be able to look into those breathtaking chocolate brown eyes and soak up every word she spoke.

The day she got home I did just that. As soon as I got off work I headed to Charlie's house and we sat and talked for hours. Hearing her say my name and seeing her eyes light up when she was excited and telling a story about her new friends at college did funny things to me. She was a force that pulled me in and kept me like a magnet. I wasn't able to miss a thing when it came to her, like how she used her hands to show a story, how her lips moved and how she bit her lip when she was nervous.

She was going to be in town for a week and I could spend the entire week absorbing everything she had to say, I was so happy about that.

My family and her family always did Thanksgiving together, Bella always cooked with her mom in the kitchen and us guys were always in the living room watching a game or something.

I was excited about spending the whole day with her, I had the day off. As I helped my dad out of the car and into his chair, I saw the angel of my eyes at the door holding it open with a smile on her lips. Bella was standing there in all her glory in a white strapless dress and a blue cardigan. When she was younger you wouldn't have caught her dead in a dress, but now…wow, she took my breath away.

"Hey, you," she said still smiling at us.

"Hey yourself. Damn, something smells good in there," I told her as we reached the door where she was standing.

"That would be my pumpkin pie, just pulled it out of the oven. Everything else is almost done, Charlie's in the living room with the game already on. I have to get back in there before my mom burns something." She gave me a quick hug and walked back into the kitchen where her mom was cursing at something.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was sitting there in the living room watching the game with the guys, well, not really. I was trying my hardest to strain my ears to hear what Bella and her mom were laughing about. Finally I gave up though and got up and went in there with the excuse that I needed another Coke.

When I entered the room, she was standing by the sink, her head tilted back slightly in laughter. She was laughing so hard that her eyes were watering and she was trying hard to catch her breath.

"What's so funny in here?" I asked, heading to the fridge to get that coke, keeping up the charade that I needed one.

"Nothing really, just catching up," she said smiling at me. My heart melted right then and there. God I wanted her to be mine. I needed her to be mine…

I didn't say another word and I felt them watching me as I left the room. I slightly heard Renee, Bella's mom saying something like 'That boys got it bad for you,' but I couldn't hear Bell's answer. I walked back into the living room where my dad and Charlie were yelling at the TV and sat back down on the couch thinking about what Bella could have said, hoping and praying she felt the same way about me as I did her.

The rest of the day, was uneventful, we ate a delicious meal; turkey, potatos, green beans, dumplings, corn, carrots, stuffing, and for dessert, we had pumpkin pie and peanut butter pie. It was so good and I was stuffed by the time it was all over. It was a great day all around; any day with Bella was great for me.

God, I did have it bad for her, as her mom had put it.

When we got ready to leave Bella pulled me aside and asked if we could have lunch the next day. I told her I had to work, but she was more than welcome to come by the firehouse and we could have lunch there.

She promised she would be there around noon.

The next morning I got up and headed off to work, just like every morning. After we made breakfast and ate, we got straight to doing maintenance on all the trucks. Around noon Bella pulled in the fire house in her beautiful new car. She used to drive one of my dad's old trucks but before she moved off to college her mom and dad got her a brand new BMW. Renee had used her inheritance she got when her dad died. Bella's car was black and perfect for her, at least it was a safe car.

She got out of her car holding a brown paper bag and I knew exactly what it was - Chinese take out. I was just glad she didn't bring left over's, I was already burnt out on turkey. I could only take turkey once in awhile, not like two or three days in a row.

When she got over to me she placed the bag in my hands and I could smell the wonderful aroma of Chinese food coming through the bag. We had a great time talking and eating our lunch, and all too soon, it was time for her to head back home. I didn't want her to go but she said she had to help her mom with something. So I told her bye and that we would talk soon. I watched her pull away in that black car of hers speeding down the road.

Little did I know that soon I would see Bella in the arms of another man. A man I didn't really care for, but she would be damaged…changed forever. One day would change her, one event in her journey in life would forever imprint itself inside her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two days later, Harry asked if I could trade my day shift the next day and take a night sift for Garret Lesmen, he had a party to go to and couldn't work. I was fine with it so I traded. Garret was a good friend of mine so it was no big deal to me.

So the next day I spent on the beach with Bella, just hanging out. She had to work on a paper for College so we spread out a blanket on the sand and sat there with her laptop as she typed away. She wasn't quiet though, she talked and talked. I could listen to her all day every day though. I smiled and laughed at her crazy friends at college.

Around four o'clock she headed back home and I went home to get ready for work. I got dressed and was heading out the front door when the tones went off for us to back up Forks Fire Department. Backing up Forks Fire hardly ever happened, but when it did, that meant it was something big. At first I didn't realize what address the dispatcher said, I was already in my car dashing to the fire house. When I pulled in I hit the repeat button on my pager and listened in horror as it said her address. It rang in my ears as I stood there stunned.

Harry's voice woke me from my small horror induced coma and I ran for my gear getting it on faster then I had ever done before. Jumping in the truck, we set off lights and sirens blaring through out the night sky.

I could see the orange glow way before I could see the house, the other fire truck's lights also lighting up the night. The flames were blazing high, licking at the roof, people yelling, but the only thing I could see was Bella's window. I couldn't look away from it.

_Was she still in there? I needed to know where Bella was. Fuck, Jake, find out where she is. _

I looked over at the door going into action right away, going over and grabbing an air take and mask and putting it on. I headed towards Bella's flame engulfed house, but I was too late.

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_**Please let me know what you think!!!! And don't forget to check out the blog for this story, (Link at top of chapter)**_


	6. Chapter 6 Pain Beyond Measure

_Hey everyone, you know the drill…at least you should by now. I don't own any of the Twilight Characters those belong to Stephenie, I just get the chance to play with them and make them into incredible hot firemen hehehe…_

_Lindz, babe thanks for everything you do for me. I mean it, you're a great friend and an amazing beta! So huge hugs._

_Stella babe there is something in here just for you, enjoy! Hehee…._

_I hope you all enjoy this chapter, Plus there is now a blog for this story alone. Teasers, Chapters, Pics etc are posted on it! Please check it out…http://chasingfire-ladyali(dot)blogspot(dot)com/_

* * *

**Chapter 6 ~ Pain Beyond Measure (Bella's POV) **

_Things have a terrible permanence when people die. _

_- Joyce Kilmer_

Driving home from College I couldn't wait to see my mom, dad, and of course, my best friend Jake. There's this thing with Jake though, I think he wanted more, which I didn't. I just wanted us to be friends, I had never seen him that way. I knew he saw me that way though. Sometimes it hurt me to hurt him and not take that next step with him, but I just couldn't do it.

Cranking the radio, trying my hardest to drawn out the thoughts of Jake and I as more, I sped off towards my mom and dads.

Once I arrived at the house that I had lived in all my life, I got unpacked and settled in. I was going to be staying in Forks for at least a week.

The thing I didn't realize at the time was how short a week actually was. Faster then I thought possible it was the day of Thanksgiving and I was helping my mom in the kitchen with all the food. Pulling out the pumpkin pie I heard the Jakes car pull up. I placed the pie down on the table and ran to the door to hold it open so Jake could bring his dads chair in.

"Hey you," I said, holding the door open and smiling at both of them.

"Hey yourself. Damn something smells good in there." I knew he would smell the pie.

"That would be my pumpkin pie, just pulled it out of the oven. Everything else is almost done, Charlie's in the living room with the game already on. I have to get back in there before my mom burns something."

Hugging Jake real quick, I went back into the kitchen to see my mom standing there not knowing what to do. She really wasn't a good cook at all and heaven forbid Charlie try to cook, he would burn down the whole house.

Walking over to the stove, I pulled the turkey out of the oven and sat it down on the counter then went to cut up the potatoes for get them ready to mash. It was like old times in this house, we always had thanksgiving dinner together. Billy and Jake were like family to us, since Jakes mom died, they had always come here to eat.

Mom and I stood there talking as I was cutting the potatoes and were laughing over a story I had just told her about my friend Justin, from school, and how he had asked me out like fifteen times and wouldn't give up, when I heard Jake walk in the room.

"What's so funny in here?"

"Nothing just catching up," I told him. I caught the gleam in his eyes when he looked at me and knew those feelings he had for me were creeping up on him again. He didn't say anything though, he grabbed a coke and walked back into the living room with me watching him as he went.

"Bella, you know that boy has it bad for you and has for years, you know that right? Why not try, you know with Jake?" my mom asked me, giving me that look that said…I know what you're going to say but I had to put it out there.

"Mom, come on. It's Jake, my best friend, I couldn't do that to us. If something went wrong and I couldn't fix it, I would hate myself for messing up our friendship."

"Yeah, but what if it went right." She just shrugged her shoulders after saying her piece and I went back to work on the food.

The dinner went great but I was so exhausted by the time the night was over that I crashed and didn't wake up until after ten the next morning. I was supposed to be at the firehouse to have lunch with Jake around noon, so I jumped in the shower and got dressed. I went to the Chinese place that we both loved that was in town. I had thought about bringing leftovers but I had enough turkey the night before.

Our lunch turned out to be really nice, we talked and got caught up some more. He told me all about his job and how it was going.

After lunch I headed home and started working on a paper I had to do for school. I got to spend more time with Jake three days later, he had switched shifts with someone and had the whole day free so he invited me down to the rez to hang out at the beach. It was such a beautiful day outside that I agreed to go and brought my schoolwork with me. It was fun and relaxing hanging out with Jake, it always had been, but I didn't know if I wanted what everyone else could see happening between us.

The day flew by and he had to go to work that night so I told him goodbye, since it was probably the last time we would have to spend together alone before I left to head back to school. He looked really sad and I hated seeing him like that, but what did he want me to do, not go back to school? Then what? Marry him and live happily ever after here on the rez? This just wasn't a place for me, I wanted to do something with my life, and if I stayed here I wouldn't.

So, without looking at his sad face I got in my car and headed towards my mom and dad's place.

Pulling into the driveway, I leaned back into the seat taking a deep breath and looked at the house. Slowly I got out of the truck and went into the house and climbed the stairs to head to my room. My mom was in the living room watching soaps and dad was at work so it was peaceful at the moment.

I looked over at the tiny alarm clock on the side table by my bed and the little red numbers told me it was a little after four o'clock. I decided I would get more work done on my paper for school then I would pack up and get everything ready to head out and back to school tomorrow, but my plans changed.

I started working on my paper, sprawled out on my bed with my laptop and papers all spread before me, when I heard the smoke detectors blaring and screaming. I opened my door to yell at my mom for trying to cook something and burning it, but instead of my moms voice I heard my dad yelling at me to get out of the house.

"BELLA GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! PLEASE, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! GET OUT OF HERE BELLS!"

I started to run down the stairs, but when I made it to the last step flames flared out all around me. I was trapped and froze at the sight before me. The flames licked at the wall and ceiling. Bight orange and yellow flames were raging like a monster, eating away at everything it touched. The whole living room was engulfed in flames, I couldn't see anything, the smoke was too thick. I didn't know what to do, I yelled for my dad, but got no answer at all this time. Panic overtook me and I turned around and ran back up the stairs and into my room. I threw my blanket by the door to cover up the bottom crack hoping in vain that it would keep out the smoke long enough for me to maybe jump out the window.

I had forgotten how high up my room was from the ground though. Throwing open my second story window brought the knowledge back to me. I screamed for help but no one was around. I could hear the sirens of the fire trucks in the distance and was praying that they could get to me faster then those flames.

I kept looking down out my window wondering if I could make the jump and live. The thing was that, if the flames came into my room I was going to jump no matter what, I would rather die that way then to burned alive. All these thoughts were coming at me and I didn't know what to do. It seemed like hours had passed when the fire trucks finally pulled in. I yelled for help out the window again and again but they couldn't hear me because of the sirens.

The smoke was coming in the room and filling it up faster then I thought possible but I kept trying to yell, causing me gasp for air and all I could do was flail my arms out my window hoping they would see me. The last thing I saw was the flames licking at my door, reaching for me.

Blackness over took me and I collapsed to the floor of my room in a heap.

"Breathe, don't die on me, come on breathe…"

I was woken up by the voice of an angel…my angel. I peered up into the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen.

"It's going to be okay,…breathe." He had placed a face mask on me and I breathed in a deep breath full of oxygen.

He placed my hand on it and told me to hold it there.

"I'm going to get you out of here." He scooped me up in his strong arms and carried me out of my room.

He walked me down that stairs that had, earlier, been consumed in flames but were now clear and continued out the front door. I was barely aware of all the commotion around me. I was numb, in a total daze, staring at this god that was carrying me away from the fiery hell I had just been in. He was my angel, my savior, and I just wanted to know his name.

He carried me over to the squad and placed me on a gurney, talking to the EMT for a minute then went to walk away. I had to stop him though, I had to at least know his name.

"Please…stop," I mouthed no sound came out but I caught a hold of his fireman coat.

Turning around he looked down at me and I tried to ask him what I wanted to know again, my throat was burning but I had to try.

"Please…what is your name?" my voice came to me in a whisper but he smiled and answered my question.

"My name is Edward, what is yours?" He took a bottle of water from the EMT and handed it to me. I took a drink.

"I'm Isabella, but my friends call me Bella." As soon as I got my name out Jake was rushing over to me.

I looked over at him for the slightest second and back, but Edward was walking away. I wanted to thank him but my voice wasn't strong enough. I looked up at Jake and he had tears running down his cheeks.

"Oh, Bella, I thought I had lost you forever."

His words brought me back to my senses a little. _MY MOM AND DAD? Where were they?_

"Jake, my mom and dad were in the house. Where are they?" I asked.

He just stared at me like he was the one in shock and had just been through what I had. I yelled at him, trying to get his attention and it worked. He darted off towards the house and was gone for awhile. Long enough for them to have me in the ambulance and ready to go, but I had refused to leave until I found out about my mom and dad. I wasn't hurt that bad so they complied with my wishes.

When Jake came back, he climbed into the ambulance with me with a sad drawn face. My heart dropped into my stomach.

I started shaking my head at Jake not wanting to hear what he was about to say.

"Bells, your mom is gone, they couldn't revive her. They are bringing your dad out now, he's not conscious but he's breathing lightly. They don't think he's going to make it though."

I just stared at him. I didn't want to comprehend what he was saying. Mom….my mom was gone.

That's when I heard the most painful gruesome scream I had ever heard in my life. The thing I didn't realize was that the scream was coming from me. I couldn't stop the screaming though, it hurt so much. The pain in my chest was too much for me to take in silence. I grabbed at the tubes they had in my nose and got up off the cot in a matter of seconds, so fast that Jake couldn't even catch me, I darted over to the other ambulance and to my dad.

Fighting off the paramedics and the firemen, I hugged my dads barely there body to myself. Screaming for him to wake up.

"DAD I NEED YOU WAKE UP…PLEASE DADDY! OPEN YOUR EYES DADDY, PLEASE…PLEASE!"

Jakes arms wrapped around me trying to force me back, but I fought against him, pushing him away from me. Picking me up he tried to take me back to the ambulance, but I beat him against his chest but he wouldn't let me go, he just held on tighter. That's when I saw my mom's body on another stretcher being carried out of the house.

I knew in that moment what Jake had told me was true, it wasn't a horrible dream, I hadn't fallen asleep on my bed working on my paper, no this shit was for real. I looked over and saw the eyes of my angel, the one that had saved me, and I collapsed against Jake.

Waking up, looking around, realizing I was in a hospital room confirmed that it all was real, that it all had happened. My mom was dead and my dad was right there on death's door step, knocking on the door.

The empty room was a real life metaphor for how I felt; I was empty and alone. Slow tears seeped out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I cried them into my pillow trying my hardest to make them soft but they wouldn't ease up, and soon they became loud guttural sobs. They were wracking through my chest and making my whole body hurt.

A pair of strong arms engulfed me and all at once the head of Jakes body took over me. I turned around and cried into him, clutching his shirt like he was a life raft and I was in a shark infested ocean.

I couldn't let go of him, and I didn't want too. I think he could sense that too, because he never tried to pull away, he just held me tighter. Thinking of arms around me made me think of other arms around me, my moms, dads, my angels…

"Edward," I whispered in between sobs.

"What?" Jake asked looking down at my face.

"Jake I want to see him again, to thank him."

"See who Bells?" he asked.

"Edward. The fireman who saved me. He said his name was Edward."

"Cullen?"

I thought about that name and the way Jake said it and it brought back a memory of his arms catching me before. That was Edward that helped me when I bumped into him and almost fell. But he didn't even look at me then. I should have recognized those eyes.

"Yeah, Jake, I need to see Edward again. Could you, I mean would you help me? I want to thank him. Please Jake." I tried to even beg him in hopes that he would agree and help me.

All he did was give me this look like he would rather die then talk to Edward. I didn't understand the problem between the two of them, but I wasn't going to let that hinder me from telling Edward thanks.

Jake didn't say anything to me after I asked him to ask Edward to come see me. We just sat there for awhile in silence, then my doctor came in and told me that I would be going home tomorrow.

_Home, yeah I didn't have a home anymore. _The Doc proceeded to tell me that I had second degree burns on my arms and legs and how I needed to take care of them. I just nodded barely listening to anything he said. I was thinking about Edward and his arms wrapped around me.

Jake telling me he would come pick me up in the morning drew me out of my thoughts, I hugged him and told him that would be great and thanks, then he left me to be alone again.

No one had told me anything about my dad, so I hit the button for the nurse. She came in right away and was really nice to me.

"Hi Isabella, my name is Kiara what can I help you with?"

"Hello Kiara, you can call me Bella, but I was wondering, if it was possible, well, I'd really like to see my dad."

She smiled at me and walked out of the room not saying another word to me. She was only gone for a second or two, coming back with a wheelchair. She helped me with all the stupid tubes that were attached to me and helped me get out of the bed and into the chair.

"Okay Bella, let's get you down to your dads room, shall we?" I smiled the first smile I had smiled since the day of the fire and she wheeled me down to my dads room.

It wasn't too far away from me actually. A couple doors down, but the sight of him laying there helpless crushed down on me the instant the wheels of the chair crossed over the door opening.

I asked her to let me have some time with him and she told me she would be back in about a half an hour, if I needed her sooner just to hit the nurse call button. I nodded and she left, shutting the door behind her.

"Daddy, oh dad please," I moaned out grabbing his hand for dear life.

He was the strongest man I knew. He was the chief of police and in my eyes he was always bigger then life to me. He was a hero to so many including me. To see him in a bed, unconscious, barely breathing was hard to comprehend.

I have no clue how long I sat there in total quiet but the silence was broken by a man clearing his throat. I looked up to see a Doctor standing at the foot of my dad's bed.

"You must be Isabella?" I just nodded my head. "I'm doctor Cullen, I'm your dad's doctor. I was actually coming to see you later this afternoon but since you're here now I guess I can go ahead and talk to you."

"About what Dr. Cullen?" I asked. I was a little freaked out, what if he told me that my dad wasn't going to make it? I wasn't sure I could handle that right now. I started to gasp for air, it felt like I couldn't breath.

The next thing I knew I was back in my room lying in my bed waking up again and I was all alone.

That night I was plagued with the worst dreams I had ever had, screaming out for my mom and dad but they never answered and I was all alone in the house, but this time strong arms didn't save me, this time I was burned alive.

The doctor ended up giving me something to knock me out and put my body at ease. I didn't end up getting to go home the next day, I had to stay for another night after everything that had happened.

The day I did get to go home Jake came to pick me up and take me to his house to stay for a while until I figured out what to do. Jake and I had several heated discussions on the subject of Edward when I was staying with him and I knew that I had to find somewhere else to stay while my dad was still in the hospital. I wouldn't go back to school until he got out.

About a week had passed since I got out of the hospital, I had been going back to see my dad everyday and stayed there most of the day. I parked my car, getting out and headed straight for my dad's room. Kiara was at the nurses desk and we said our normal 'hellos' and I went into my dad's room.

Not long after I had pulled the chair over to my dad's bed, a doctor walked into the room. It wasn't Doctor Cullen though, and what he had to tell me shocked me to no end.

My dad never wanted to be hooked up to machines if something happened to him, I never knew it, but he had signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) paper for work. _How could he not want to live if he could? _I didn't understand it at all.

This doctor proceeded to tell me that it was my choice what to decide if I kept him hooked up or if I unplugged my own dad. I told him I would have to think about it. I was in a daze again barely able to think. I knew I wasn't going to stay in the hospital today looking at my dad knowing what I knew I had to decide.

Getting out of the chair, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over, I walked out of the room and to the elevators, pushing the button and waiting. The tears were so close to spilling over that I was dying waiting there for the elevator. I begged for it to hurry up and when it finally got there and opened its doors I dashed inside and hit the button to close the door.

I rode the elevator down to the main floor and walked out to the main lobby. As I tried to walk out the front door I looked up I saw him, my angel, and everything hit me. My tears flooded my eyes and ran down my cheeks. The look on his face was full of concern, but looking into those green eyes I could only say two words…'thank you' and then I collapsed into his arms once more.

* * *

_Thanks everyone for reading! Don't forget to check out the blog… http://chasingfire-ladyali(dot)blogspot(dot)com/_

_Please leave me some love…_


	7. Chapter 7 Little Helpless Lamb

Hey everyone, I am so sorry this has taken so long, but here it is. School is kicking my ass that's why its taken so long for me to write this one. But like I said here it is, I hope you all like it. Let me know *hugs* to you all! I'm hoping to write more, I will try my hardest I promise : )

Chapter 7 ~ Little Helpless Lamb

(This chapter doesn't have a quote but a song quote instead…hope you all don't mind. I thought it fit more…The song for this chapter is Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne)

_**"Keep Holding On"**__You're not aloneTogether we standI'll be by your side, you know I'll take your handWhen it gets coldAnd it feels like the endThere's no place to goYou know I won't give inNo I won't give inKeep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughJust stay strong'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for youThere's nothing you could sayNothing you could doThere's no other way when it comes to the truthSo keep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

Firefighter down, Firefighter down…

Those words were the worst things to hear for a fellow firefighter. To hear that one of your brothers was down was beyond what your brain could actually comprehend. As those words rang out over all the pagers, it was like all else ceased to exist, everything stood still. All we could think of was who was it? How bad were they hurt? In my own head all those questions ringing out in everyone else's head were coupled with Is it my mom, my brother, Jasper…

Your brain could torment you, could bring up all the different visions of the what ifs. What if it was Esme what would I do with out my mom? What if it was Emmett, how would I cope with losing a brother? When I had already lost so much in my life, how could I handle losing them too.

I ran into the building with the search party looking for my fellow firefighter. We found him pretty close and once I realized it wasn't Esme, Emmett or Jazz I was okay, but it was still family.

Taking him out on the building and getting him on to the stretcher, they rushed our brother to the hospital with us standing there staring at the squad as it rushed down the road. We didn't know if Kevin was going to be okay or not, but we still had work to do. We all rushed and finished putting out the fire and getting all the gear back onto the trucks and back to the firehouse. We rushed ourselves to get to the hospital to see how he was doing. I flew down the highway in my Volvo.

Once there, I drove my car into the first parking spot I could find and threw the gear shift into park and jumped out of my car. Walking as fast as I could to get into the doors, I crossed the huge parking lot in seconds, well it at least seemed like it that is. I entered through the sliding doors of the hospital, not sure where to really go even thought Carlisle worked here. I was going to head towards the front desk but as I stepped through the doors there she was. Isabella tripped her way out of the elevator doors and wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing, she was in a daze. She looked so lost and helpless. I tried to smile at her but as she made her way closer to me, I could really tell something was wrong.

Tears flooded her eyes as she finally saw me, I was so worried about her. I hoped her father hadn't passed away too. I watched as she got a little closer and mouthed the words "thank you" then she just collapsed into my arms. Out cold…

"Bella…" I said really loudly. I caught her before she could hit the floor. Her face was blank but her mouth was moving. I made sure she was breathing and picked her up cradling her in my arms. Looking down into that face of hers I realized that every time I was close to her she ended up in my arms. She felt so light and like a helpless little lamb that needed protection and love. That was exactly what I wanted to give her too. Looking away from her I saw a nurse coming my way, a nurse I knew worked with my father. That's when Bella's voice came to me.

"I just can't do that. I can't unplug him…" I had no idea what she was talking about.

By the time I looked up, Kiara, the nurse and my father, who looked like he had just gotten out of surgery, were rushing toward us. Kiara tired to take Bella out of my arms, but I held her tightly to myself.

"I can't do it…he's my father. I wont kill him," Bella mumbled again.

As those words slipped through her lips my father was right there and heard every word she had said, the look on his face told me that he knew exactly what was going on.

"What happened Edward?" he asked through his teeth.

"I have no idea. I walked through the doors as she was coming out of the elevator crying and in a daze. When she got to me she just collapsed into my arms."

"Okay, um, Edward you need to let us get her on the cot," he said placing his hand on my shoulder. I hadn't realized I was still holding onto her so tightly.

I gently placed her on the cot and seeing her frail body lying there nearly broke my heart. I watched as Kiara pushed her down the hall further and further away from me as my father mumbled about _that idiot told her and I told him not to say a word to her._ Of course that caught my attention and I wanted to know what was going on.

I knew better then ask him that though, you know patient confidentiality and all. As I watched over my fathers shoulder as Bella was wheeled away I was in a battle with myself. I wanted so much to follow and make sure she was okay, but I knew I needed to go check on Kevin. So I turned away from the scene before me and looked back at my dad.

"Hey Dad, there was a firefighter from our firehouse just brought in. Do you know where he is or how he is?"

"Yeah I do Edward. He's doing good. Esme and all the others are with him. He's in room 2103."

"Thanks," I told him and walked towards the elevators with my dad still standing there mumbling to himself.

I made it to Kevin's room and everyone was there around his bed cutting up and laughing with him. I'm not going to lie, he looked terrible but he was alive and that's all that mattered. His face was all burned up and bandaged.

I hated seeing a fellow firefighter and friend like this. But he was laughing and talking to everyone of us, like nothing happened. After goofing off in Kevin's room for a bit with everyone, my thoughts constantly on Isabella, I couldn't help but tell everyone bye and tell Kevin I would come back to see him in a bit.

As I was leaving Kevin's room and heading to the elevator to find out where she was, I ran into my dad.

"Hey Edward, before you ask," He said smiling. "She is in room 2130. She asked about you. But she has a guest in there with her right now. I don't think you should interrupt them."

I had a good idea who it was…Jacob Black. I nodded to my dad and headed into the elevator and up to the third floor where her room was located.

As I walked down the hall, hearing that laugh of his confirmed that I was correct. It was Jacob Black in there with her. She wasn't laughing though, she was trying to explain something but he wasn't listening. And that was pissing me off to no end, but who was I to do anything about it. I couldn't tell him to leave her alone, she obliviously wanted him there. So I sat out in the hall and waited my turn to see her.

I overheard bits and pieces of their conversation. Most of it was about how she wasn't going back to school now, which I didn't really understand…she should continue her schooling if it was something she really wanted, but it was her decision.

Black was pissed off about it and tried his best to get her to say she was going to go back but she was stubborn I could tell that by the way she told him to fuck off several times and that it was her decision and that what she wanted to do and planed on doing was to stay here in Forks. Her only problem she had was she had no place to live.

That's when a light bulb flickered in my brain. I could help her with a place to live…I still had my house for rent. I could make it where she got it and I could keep her close to me. I smiled to myself as these thoughts filtrated my brain and I couldn't help myself. I wanted to head in that room and tell her that she didn't have to worry about a place to live. I had her covered there she could stay at my house. It wasn't any use to me anymore, maybe she could find some happiness in it.

Instead of storming the room, I kept my cool and waited my turn to talk to her. Waited there like a gentlemen, waited for the dog to leave. It took a while for him to come out of her room and as soon as he saw me he acted like he was going to head back in there, but instead he just kept walking without another word. Although he didn't mutter another word, but the look on his face said it all.

That look told me that he would kill me if I messed with her. I really didn't plan on messing with her, so to speak. But I did have this need to get to know her for some reason.

I stood there for several minutes just staring after Black, then I heard her voice come to me through the door.

"I want to go see my father please…" she said. I thought she was talking to me, but she must have hit the call button because a nurses voice came next.

"Yes, Ma'am as long as your doctor says it's okay we can take you to see him. But we have to wait for the okay first."

The next thing I heard was her defeated voice.

"Okay,"

As I heard that voice, my feet moved on their own, walking into her room and standing there looking at her. I didn't really know what to say to her. So I just said what came natural to me.

"Hey, I see you're feeling a little better, at least you're awake"

She smiled and looked up at me through her lashes and nodded her head. She looked so frail and weak. I hated seeing her like this and I didn't even know her. I wanted her to be strong and happy. So I just came out and said what I needed to before I burst.

"Um, I couldn't help but overhear that you are looking for a place to stay…live. I have a place up for rent right now if you would want to take a look at it."

I watched as her face lit up before me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"That sounds great, I'd love to take a look." I watched as her face fell a bit and she looked up at me and told me what she was thinking in the smallest voice I've ever heard. "But I don't even have a way to pay the rent yet. I don't have a job or anything, I was in school and home on break…well, and you know the rest. I um…"

"Hmm, we can just see if you like it when you get out of here, then we can go from there. Deal?" I was dying for her to say yes. I was saying it over and over in my head…_Please say yes please say yes._

To my surprise she just nodded and smiled at me, making my heart leap into my throat. I didn't understand my reaction to this woman at all. _I love Lindz. What is the matter with me. _

"Edward…that is your name right?"

"Yeah, I'm Edward and you're Isabella."

"Call me Bella, please. So what does your place look like and why don't you live there or do you?"

"No I don't live there anymore. The place was just to big for me and held way too many memories. I'm not home that much with being a firefighter so I thought just a small apartment would be better for me. It's a beautiful two story house, three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms. Its actually two streets away from your old place."

I watched as her face fell again and I couldn't help it this time, I went closer to her and sat down next to her and took her hand.

"What is it Bella? You look like you just need to talk. I can tell you I do know what your going through, I know people always say that but really they have no clue. I seriously do, I lost both my parents and little sister in a fire when I was very young."

The look on her face when I told he that part of my story just about crushed me, making my heart go into my throat yet again. Tears started to fall down her porcelain cheeks. I wish I could take all the pain away for her. Just make it all go away and it killed me that I couldn't.

"They…want me to…pull…the…plug," she whimpered out. I was shocked at that, it must be what my father hadn't wanted her to find out and why she looked so dazed out when she fell into my arms.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I don't think you were meant to know about it though, I don't think you should have found out the way you did. What was said to you?" I asked and gently squeezed her soft hand. I really wanted to get up in the bed with her and just hold her to me.

I felt her squeeze my hand and she went on to tell me that the doctor came in and told her that she needed to chose to do what her father had wanted. He never wanted to be plugged up to machines and had signed a DNR which honestly didn't surprise me much. It's not something that all of us in this type of field does, but it's something most of us think of.

I was pissed off that the doctor told her the way he did. I wanted to fuck him up for it. She didn't deserve to be told that way. She wasn't healthy enough to be told the way he did. I hoped my father rips him a new one.

"Bella, you know you have the final say on this. And you really don't have to think of it right now. I think you should just relax and let my father see what he can do about your father. Maybe you should talk to him first before you worry yourself even more sick then you already are."

I looked into her eyes as I said every word. I wanted her to just get better and not worry about the rest. She would have a place to stay if she wanted to stay here in Forks, I could get her a job at the firehouse and she would have money. I would give her the world if I could and I barely knew her, but I wanted to give it all to her.

Just as I was saying this my father knocked on her door peeking his head in. I smiled over at her and squeezed her hand once more.

"Remember what I said, okay? I'll let my father talk to you and I'll come back in a bit, okay?"

She smiled at me once more wiping the tears away from her eyes and nodded.

I left the room looking back at her before I slipped through the door. She looked like the world was just lifted off her shoulders…little did I know what the future was about to put back on those tiny shoulders of hers.

The next couple of days went by pretty fast. She actually took me up on letting her move into my place and we got her all moved and settled in. She even let me help her get a job at the firehouse. She was now our new secretary and my mom loved the help.

Everything was going great actually, I had gotten to know more about her and spent a lot of time with her. She was great, just like I knew she would be.

Unfortunately she was still bogged down with worry about her father, who was still in the hospital with no change at all. He was still in coma and not breathing on his own. She was still worried about what that one doctor said and it still pissed me off to no end. She didn't deserve to have this put on her. She deserved a happy, worry free life. But life wasn't like that was it? Life's a bitch and it was always there to bite you, and bite her it did, over and over again.

Standing in my old living room that was now Bella's living room, was a little weird, but I was getting used to it. She had made herself home and I loved what she had done to the place already. She had been living in the house for about three months now and I spent a lot of my free time with her here. I loved it, she never asked me about Lindz and why I really wanted to move away from here and I never asked her anything that would make her uncomfortable. That didn't mean I didn't want to know these things though. I ached to know what she was going to do about her father and I ached to know if she was going to stay here or move back to school. I was getting attached to her and was so afraid that she was going to leave.

I had walked into the kitchen to get me a drink like I had done a million times since she moved in when I heard her phone ring, her loud sob, then the crash. Running back into the living room forgetting my drink, she came into my sight. She was crumbled on the floor crying. The phone laying beside her. I ran to her trying to pick her up but she fought me. I stopped trying and stayed down by her and slowly stroked the hair out of her face.

"Bella…what happened?" I asked in a soothing voice. I was so worried that the weight of everything had finally hit her and she couldn't take it anymore and was breaking down. But I was so wrong.

"He's…he's…gone," she breathed out.


	8. Chapter 8 Temporary Home Bella's POV

Chapter 8 - Temporary Home (Bella's POV)

As I heard the words coming out of the phone with doctor Cullen's voice attached to it, it finally hit me. My dad was really gone.

The glass of water I was drinking slipped through my hand as the weight of it all hit me hard sending the glass to the floor and me along with it. The glass shattered into a hundred pieces like my life had been since the fire.

The glass wasn't the only thing that slipped, the phone slid across the floor and I couldn't hear anything else that Doctor Cullen was saying. My thoughts of my dad and the life he had tumbled around in my head as the tears slid down my cheeks. I let out the loudest cry I had let out since I was a kid, I couldn't take anymore. I just let it all out.

I never thought I could handle anything like this. I always freaked out when it came to anything that would mess my life up. I was right; I wasn't handling this at all. I had been holding it all in. Damn, I don't think any human could hold this shit in or handle this. I didn't even think batman, if he was real, could handle this.

The next several days seemed to blur together. The only main constant thing I could remember of those days was Edward. He seemed to be there with me the whole time. He didn't leave my side and I was thankful for that.

Before I could even wrap my head around Charlie being gone it was the morning of his funeral. I didn't even have to beg myself to get out of bed that day, like I had every other day since the horrible fire. Jake was there to drag me out of bed.

"Bella, do you honestly think Charlie would be happy seeing you like this?"

I didn't say a word as tears flooded my eyes at Jake's words, I hadn't really thought about it. He was right, my dad would hate seeing me like this and probably would have kicked my ass for it.

"Bells, get your ass out of that bed and get ready to go. I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll go down stairs and make you something to eat. Okay?"

I didn't even have time to answer or tell him there was no way in hell that I could eat right now, because he was already down the stairs whistling to himself.

Shaking my head and wiping the tears from my eyes, I got up and grabbed my dress and headed into my bathroom to get ready. Standing there in my bathroom looking in the mirror at the reflection staring back at me, it seemed to be screaming at me to get back in bed. But I couldn't do that now could I. No. He's my dad and I was going to be strong and make him proud today. So nodding to myself after that little pep talk, I jumped into the shower and took the shortest shower I had ever taken, got out, dried my hair, brushed my teeth then got dressed.

I headed down the hall when I was finally finished and actually sat down and ate breakfast with Jake, which only consisted of eggs and toast. It actually hit the spot and calmed me down a little, but only a little.

"So, you going to be okay?"

I was pretty sure my best friend was worried that I wasn't going to make it through this. I could see it in his eyes, he was scared for me.

"Jake, I'm not really okay right now. I'm just here, numb if you know what I mean. I kind of wish this day was over. I know that's wrong of me to say but it's true. I have to get up there in front of everyone today and talk about my dad and I'm seriously not sure I can do that. I'm not even sure what to say. But you know what I'm going to give it one hell of a try. So to answer your question Jake, no I'm not okay. But I will be. I'll live and I'll be okay."

Giving me a small smile, Jake placed my hand in his.

"You know what you do, just get up there and say what's in your heart. You know, just talk to Charlie not everyone else in the room. He's the reason you're getting up there so talk to him."

Jake had a point, I was getting up there for my dad, so I would just talk to him.

"Thanks Jake. You're a great friend, who's always been there for me. Thanks for that."

Giving me a small smile he stood up and moved away from the table taking our plates with him and placing them in the sink. Then he turned around to look at me. "Are you ready to go then?" he asked.

Nodding my head I got up and grabbed my jacket slipping my arms through the sleeves, making sure the stuff that I had written down for my speech was still in my pocket. Not that it really mattered now, Jake had given me a way better speech to say. Giving Jake a small smile, I headed out of the house and headed toward my car, but Jake steered me toward his.

I really didn't feel like arguing with him, so I just went with it. Like I had already told Jake, I really just wanted this day to be over with.

"Daddy, I love you and I will miss you more than anyone will ever know. You were always my rock and now I'm so lost and have no idea what to do. What do I do daddy?

You're gone….You always said this was our temporary home, that we all would die and go to our real home. That this wasn't where we really belonged. Just a stop. You said windows and rooms we pass through, that they wouldn't hold you. I know you're there... You're finally home."

I had to stop briefly to calm my shaking and steady my breathing, just a second before I kept going. I wanted more than anything to run out of here…run as far as I could. But I couldn't disgrace him like that. He was my dad. He was strong for me, strong for everyone around him, so on this day I would at least try to be strong for him. So after a huge breath I went on.

"I know you're watching over me. Protecting me. I know you would want me to be happy, I'll try, I promise. You always asked that I didn't cry for you, that I'd see you again someday. But it's too hard not to cry, sorry I just can't keep that promise."

As those last words graced my lips, I knew I couldn't' finish. I couldn't' say another word, but I had to finish what I was saying. So I finished with three more lines. Pushing myself to the brink.

"I love you daddy. Be happy with mom. I'll be with you again someday."

I had tried not to really look at the people watching me. I just talked to my dad the whole time. That's all I wanted to do and I really didn't care what people thought of that.

Getting down off the stage on shaky legs I almost tripped, which wasn't something I wanted. But, I really didn't have to worry about it because Jake was there by my side in seconds. He grabbed my arm and helped me down, guiding me to my seat.

I sat next to him for the rest of the funeral, glancing a few times over to Edward who was all in his dress fire fighter uniform just like Jake. He caught me staring once and gave me a weak smile.

After the talking was all over and all of the 'I'm so sorry for your loss' were said we headed toward the graveyard.

My dad, being the police chief, had all the gun salutes and shit that they have at funerals like his. Stuff he would have hated. He would have rather have had it simple. I smiled to myself thinking of what he would have said to me if he was here seeing this.

"Bells, this is all nice and all, but something more simple would have been more my style."

Charlie hated it when people fussed over him. I really wasn't paying much attention till they gave me his flag, the one that had been draped over his coffin this whole day. I took it hugging it to my chest, letting two slow tears flow down my cheek. I realized it was almost over. Charlie would be lowered into the ground soon.

It was over pretty much after that, like I figured. People started hugging again and telling me to take care of myself. I was really getting tired of hearing it. I just went through the motions and soon enough Jake and I were the last ones there, or so I had thought.

I watched as they lowered Charlie into the ground next to my mom. I walked over to my mom's headstone, my words catching in my throat. "Take care of each other. I love you both so much and will miss you," I whispered.

As I turned away from my mom's grave I saw someone else that had stayed in the graveyard. Edward hadn't left and he was standing about twenty feet away from me in front of another set of tombstones.

"You ready to go?" Jake asked tapping me on my shoulder.

I didn't want to disturb Edward so I turned and took Jake's arm and headed back to his car.

As I got into the car and we started to drive away, I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward. I watched as he wiped what I'm guessing were tears out of his eyes.

I wondered whose headstones those where. After a few seconds he was out of my sight but not out of my thoughts. I couldn't help but think if he would have talked to me if I had gone over to him. If I would have figured out whose headstones he was standing in front of.

Jake drove me back to my house. I was supposed to go into town to Forks Fire Department, that's where all the cops and firefighters were headed to eat dinner together and talk about Charlie, but I couldn't take anymore. I just wanted to go home and be alone. So I begged Jake to just take me home. He finally gave in and took me home.

When I finally got back home, I had Jake go ahead and leave. I got changed into my pj's and went back into the living room.

Sitting in my pjs in my darkened living room, I laid there on my couch thinking about everything. Thinking about life so far, about my mom and dad, about the fire, thinking about school, about everything really.

That's when it hit me. I knew what my mom and dad would have wanted me to do. Right now my dad would tell me to get my butt where I belonged. And that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to make them proud of me.

The only thing left to do now was tell get some sleep tonight and tell everyone tomorrow that I planned on going back to school. The only problem was, I wasn't sure who I wanted to tell first. Jake or Edward.

I didn't know if I could tell Edward that I was leaving really. All it would take is one look from him and I would want to stay, if I was being honest with myself. I had grown very attached to him here lately and I think that's the reason I hadn't left and headed back to school already.

I got up off the couch and headed toward my room still thinking about Edward and how I was going to tell him. I climbed in bed and drifted off to sleep.

"Edward I'm leaving. I'm going to go back to school. There's nothing left for me here and this is what my parents would have wanted," I said looking anywhere but into his eyes.

"Bella, do you really want to go back or are you just running away? You say you have nothing here for you, what about me? Bella what do you want?" he asked.

So what did you all think? I know its sad, but yeah shit happens. Life is sad sometimes and I like to portray real life. Thanks for reading…


	9. Chapter 9 Let the Flames Begin

**Chapter 9 ~ Let The Flames Begin (Edwards POV)**

_What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things,_

_A memory remains, Just a tiny spark,_

_I give it all my oxygen, to let the flames begin,_

_So let the flames begin,_

_Ohhhh Glory... Ohh Glory!_

_This is, how we'll dance when,_

_when they try to take us down,_

_This is what we'll be ohh glory._

_Somewhere weakness is our strength,_

_And i'll die searching for it,_

_I can't let myself regret, such selfishness,_

_My pain I know the trouble caused, no matter how long,_

_I believe that there's hope,_

_buried beneath it all, and,_

_hiding beneath it all and,_

_growing beneath it all and..._

_This is, how we'll dance when,_

_when they try to take us down,_

_This is how we'll sing out..._

_This is, how we'll stand when,_

_when they burn our houses down,_

_This is what we'll be Oh Glory!_

_Reaching as I sink down into life._

_Reaching as I sink down into life._

_This is, how we dance when,_

_when they try to take us down,_

_This is how we'll sing out._

_This is, how we'll stand when,_

_when they burn our houses down,_

_This is what we'll be Oh Glory!_

_Let the Flames Begin (Paramore) _

_I can't believe I let myself fall for her. _The thought ran through my head like it was on replay over and over again, as I stood here in the middle of the empty living room. A living room that had been filled with all her stuff, but was empty now.

She had packed and left just as fast as she came into my life. I had no real clue as to how she actually felt about me. I knew how I felt about her and I was falling for her hard. I hadn't even been looking for someone really, I was still haunted by my past with Lindz, but Bella had taken that away with just being here.

I now had a decision to make…sell the house, rent it out again, or just keep it. I couldn't make up my mind on what I wanted to do with it. I knew I wasn't moving back in, I definitely couldn't do that now. In the beginning I moved because everything reminded me of Lindz now everything reminded me of Lindz and Bella. A total double whammy of emotions in one place.

Still standing in the middle of the room, taking one last look around, I turned around and walked out of the house locking it up and walking away. Heading to my truck I realized what time it was.

"Shit, I'm going to be late."

Jumping into my truck I rushed to the fire house for my shift, luckily I pulled in just in time for my shift. Esme would have kicked my ass if I was late again. I tried to make it past her office without her seeing me but that didn't happen.

"Cutting it close, Mr. Cullen," she said looking out her door and smirking at me.

"Yes, Chief, but I made it."

I walked past her office and toward my bunk to put my stuff down for my twenty four hour shift. As soon as I walked into the room of course Jasper and Emmett were staring at me.

"What?"

"Almost late again?" They both laughed. Rolling my eyes at both of them I set my stuff down and walked back down to the kitchen to get a bite to eat real fast before we started truck maintenance.

Cooking myself an egg and putting it on two pieces of bread, they both come down the stairs and yelled for me to get my ass in there to get the trucks running. Shoving the sandwich down my throat practically, I ran into the room and started the ladder truck, pulling it outside and started the checks we did on a daily basis.

Maintenance took about two hours of our day every single shift. It was simple really, check the lights and siren to make sure they both worked properly, check the oil and all that jazz, check all the gear on the trucks, and I mean all the gear. Everything had to be inspected and the jaws even had to be started to check it. We couldn't roll up to a scene and have that not work.

After maintenance was over and done with, we ate lunch, watched some TV and even played a game of pool. It was a very slow day, no calls at all. Nothing. I hated days like this, it was boring really. Just sitting there waiting for a call.

"So what are you going to do with the house?" Emmett asked not really paying attention to me as he watched a DVR showing of a football game from last night.

" I haven't made up my mind really. I'm not moving back in and I'm not sure if I want another renter right now. So I'm actually thinking about just letting it be for right now."

"Hmm… give it some time to just chill, huh?" he asked.

Rolling my eyes at him and getting up from my chair I headed up to the bunks to take a nap for a bit. But as soon as I hit the top step the tones went off and I was running back down the stairs to my gear and jumping into the truck.

Pulling back into the fire house seven hours later, we all were dragging, sluggish and tired as hell. The adrenaline was wearing off, but we couldn't just climb the stairs and go to bed. We had work to do-changing out hoses, cleaning our gear, checking the trucks. It took another hour, maybe two, to do all that, then we all climbed the stairs and crashed into our beds not waking up until the next alarm went off. But this alarm wasn't the tones going off, it was the alarm clock waking us up.

Five more hours then I would be heading home. I got up out of bed, dressing quickly, and started downstairs towards the kitchen.

Aiming straight to the coffee pot I spotted the chief sitting at the table, smiling at me, and I walked over to talk to her.

"How are you?" she asked before I could even sit down.

Slowly sitting down I could see she was asking as my mom and not the chief. So I let it all out. Told her about Bella leaving, about how I felt about the house, everything. She just sat there and listened just like Esme always did.

"Edward, I think you should do what you think is best for you," was all she said though. She got up with a smile and walked away, leaving me there stunned, sitting there with my coffee wondering what had just happened. That wasn't like Esme, usually she would tell me what she thought I should do.

Shaking my head I got up from the table putting my coffee cup in the sink and headed out to get Emmett and Jasper up for the day. But I didn't have to, the tones went off as soon as I hit the first step. _I swear these steps are cursed._

Running over to my gear and putting it on I listened to the call as everyone else came running down the stairs. Newton's Sporting Goods was on fire.

"Let it burn!" Emmett yelled, I couldn't help but laugh. We all couldn't stand Mike Newton, the preppy boy who tried to be better than everyone else in town but failed miserably.

Laughing, I got into the passenger side of the ladder truck as Emmett and Jasper got in. Esme settled into the driver's side and started the truck pulling out quickly. Two other trucks pulled out behind us.

By the time we got back our shift had been over for four hours. We got our stuff and all of us headed to our homes.

Pulling into my spot at my apartment, Emmett right behind me, I was so glad to be back at my place. I needed sleep and pronto. I got out of my truck and Emmett and I walked towards our mailboxes. Opening mine up I see a bunch of junk mail and grab it all, heading up to my apartment. I pushed through my door and threw the mail on the coffee table without a second glance, my focus on my bedroom, anxious to get some sleep.

The next morning, waking up to my alarm, I didn't even hit the snooze button once. I was fully rested. Finally. Hauling myself out of bed, I decided to take a quick shower. It doesn't take long for my hand to be on my cock and my moving on its own accord as images of Bella surface in my head. It's been a while since I had done this but it felt so good. Relaxing my head on the cold title of the shower my hand sped up as I squeezed a bit tighter. The pictures of her in my arms, her looking at me speed up as my hand goes faster and faster. Finally sweet release comes as I cum all down the wall of my shower.

Getting out of the shower and wrapping the towel around my waist I head out of the bathroom and into my kitchen for a cup of coffee. Pouring a cup, I lean against my counter as I take a few drinks slowly, gazing over my open space apartment and notice yesterdays mail sitting on my coffee table. Walking over there I sat down on my couch and slowly start to rummage through the junk mail. An ad for Meijer's, one for Kroger, one for Wal-Mart, but the next piece of mail wasn't junk mail. It was a white envelope addressed to one Edward Cullen. I could recognize that hand writing anywhere.

_A letter from Lindz, on a day like this. Just what I needed._ I wasn't sure if I really wanted to open the letter. It could be a letter saying the same shit. I don't know you, I'm not coming back, that kind of stuff. But it was like I was drawn to heartbreak. So I opened it and read it slowly so I could understand what I was reading. Shockingly it wasn't full of heartbreak. No, it was a happy letter for once.

_Dear Edward, _

_Hey you, I'm writing to tell you I'm coming back. No don't jump to conclusions I don't have my memory back…yet. But I'm drawn to you, it's like I know where I belong. So I'm coming back to see where it takes me. Is that okay with you? _

_I hope you are doing okay? I know I haven't written in a while, but I've been so busy with stupid shit they keep trying to get me to try. Stuff that isn't working at all. _

_I guess I'll talk to you soon, unless you write me back and tell me not to come. And if you do I would understand. _

_Hope you are well, _

_Lindsay. _

I was shocked, she was coming home if I said it was okay. I wasn't sure how I felt, if I actually wanted her to come back. I mean, what if she never got her memory back? But what if she did. I would have my Lindz back. What about Bella though. I was so confused, I had no clue what way was up and which was down.

Laying the letter back down on my table I got up and headed to my room to get dressed for the day.

I didn't touch the letter again for days, but it sat on that table, taunting me. Wanting and begging to be read and answered. Several days went by and I was working my shift with Emmett and Jasper again. Heading out of my apartment my eyes fell on the letter again before I left. Shaking my head I shut and locked my door and went down the stairs and out to my truck.

I couldn't put it off much longer and I knew it. She needed and wanted an answer and I really needed to give her what she needed. I would write her after I got done with my shift I had promised myself.

Getting to the fire house I got out of my truck and went inside, ready for my day to start. Like I always did, normal routine straight to the bunks to put my stuff away then back down. But when I got done putting my stuff up, Emmett was standing in the door way.

"Hey, we have to go to the store, they left us with no food in this place and you know that is so not going to work with us here."

Laughing at his expression as he said the words telling me there was no food for him to eat. I walked around him and down the stairs and grabbed my gear and got into the truck, waiting for them to come on so we could go to the store. It didn't take too long and Emmett was already rambling off the list of things he wanted to get.

I rolled my eyes at him as he pulled out of the firehouse and to the store.

After parking the truck, we all hopped out and headed into the store. Each of us grabbing a cart, we started filling them up. Jasper had written down a list of things that my mom had asked for, a very short and healthy list. What we were putting in our carts was far from healthy.

Reaching the frozen food aisle, we walked down and started opening the doors throwing stuff in our cart, that's when I heard her voice.

"Edward."

Turning around I felt her before I saw her. Lindz was in my arms before I could even say her name, the smell of her perfume permeating all around me, surrounding me making me smile.

"Lindz, I can't believe you're here," I said as I slowly put her down.

" Well, here I am, sorry I just couldn't wait for you to write me back I just jumped in my car and headed this way. I hope you don't mind."

" Why would I mind," I told her. But when I looked back up I saw someone else staring at me with the saddest brown eyes I had ever seen.

I watched as she turned around and walked away. Moving Lindz aside I ran after her yelling her name.

"Bella….Wait!"

Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, Please let me know what you think:


	10. Chapter 10 Missing Piece Between Wash an

_**Chapter 10 (Bella's POV) Missing Piece Between Wash and Repeat**_

There he was standing there in the frozen foods section, with a beautiful girl in his arms. I should have known an angel like him wouldn't want a girl like me. Who was I kidding? He deserved a woman…a woman like the one in his arms.

I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes though. I had left, went back to school. I had to get away and move on with my life. But what I hadn't thought through was the life I had created right here in Forks, near my saving grace. But, I had to face the facts he was never mine…he was hers.

I knew I had to get out of that store and now, but my feet wouldn't move, no matter how loud I was screaming at them in my head. Looking down at my feet, willing them to move, I tried to fight the urge to look at him. My will wasn't strong enough though and my eyes connected with his. I watched as realization came to him and that unlocked the glue that had been connected to my feet. I turned from the scene and ran out of the store as fast as I could.

I wouldn't let him see me crying, he had seen me cry all the time, but not today. I ran to my car got in, slamming the door shut. I locked it quickly and sat there for a few seconds letting the tears flood down my cheeks.

I knew I had to get out of there before he came out the door to rescue me like he always did. So I put the key in the ignition, turned it to start the car and took off as fast as I could, still crying. Getting the hell out of dodge so they say, I saw him in my rear view mirror coming after me like always. But he didn't see me because this time he wasn't going to rescue me.

I drove straight back to school and my apartment, not even stopping to eat, drink or even go to the bathroom. Straight there. My brain was being wracked with thoughts of him, him with that woman in his arms, him with me in his arms, his every detail in my memory in perfect clarity. I was in a daze by the time I made it back to my place, barely even realizing I was at home. I even sat in my car, in my driveway, for a few minutes just sitting there staring off into my memories like an idiot. I made myself cry my last few tears before stepping out of the car. _I won't cry over him anymore, _I kept telling myself over and over.

I walked into my place, slammed the door shut, locked it and headed straight for bed. The next morning, waking up at 8 am for class was a bitch. My eyes were still puffy from crying so much and I felt like I had been ran over by a MAC truck to say the least. I went to all my classes, and went back to my place and crashed. But my sleep was riddled with dreams of him. What it would have been like if I had stayed and let him rescue me again. Even in one of them he told me she was nothing to him, that he loved me. I woke up from that one screaming in my head. IT'S ALL A LIE! ALL OF IT!

That's how my life went for the next several months…wake up, go to class, then home and work on homework, then back to bed. Repeat the next day.

Wash…Rinse…Repeat! But the rinse part was missing.

There was something missing in my life and it was fucking me up big time. The thing was I knew what the piece was; I just had no clue how to get it back in place. I couldn't force it and if he loved that person that was in his arms I was out of luck.

The main thing I knew was that I wasn't happy at school anymore, I wasn't happy anymore, period, as I was with my life back in Forks. I just needed to get back to being happy even if I had to pretend for a bit before I got back there.

I had to come up with a plan to get back to my life in Forks, but I had to stay in school, too. So in my spare time I started looking for colleges near Forks, so that I could stay in school but go back to that life as well. It wouldn't have him as my love but maybe it could have him in my life at least. As…Friends? Not sure if I was okay with it but I would take anything I could get. He always made me smile even in the hard times.

Months went by with me acting like I was happy, with me miserable on the inside…but I kept telling myself, I had a plan and I was working on it. It would get better real soon. I kept promising myself that over and over, until the day came when I found the one thing I was looking for.

I had already found the college I would attend. I even had all the forms ready to transfer. The only things that were missing in my plan were a place to live and a job. So I was just waiting for those things to fall into place. I also wanted to go ahead and finish out the year where I was. So, when I got the call about the job at the library in town opening up I jumped at it. She would hold the job open two more weeks for me when my school year ended. The only thing I didn't have was a place to live. So I went ahead and got a hold of Jake.

" Hey Jake, it's me Bella," I said into my cell phone. The next thing I heard was a screech like a little girl. I couldn't help but laugh. I hadn't talked to him in a while and I figured he would yell at me for it but he didn't. I had been way too depressed to talk to him and I knew he would hear it in my voice so I never called. He just fired off the normal questions. How are you? What you been up to? All those normal, annoying questions.

" I've been good," I answered. "Yeah I'm heading home and need a place to crash 'til I get me a place. Do you have room for an old friend?"

"Of course I do, you're always welcome to stay with me and you know it," he replied. He sounded so excited. "When will you be here?"

"Great, I'm packing up here and I'll be heading that way in a few days. I got a new job there at the library in Seattle and I'm transferring to Washington State University. I can't wait to get back home." The line went real silent after I said all this, then he finally spoke.

"Hell yeah! Bells is finally coming home." A huge smile crept across my face as he spoke.

"Yep, I'm coming home for good."

_I just hope I don't have to fight for what I wanted, but if a fight is what she wants a fight is what she will get. He was worth fighting for, I knew that now. I'm going home to find the rinse for my Wash…rinse…repeat! _


	11. Chapter 11 Asshat Syndrome Edwards POV

_A/N: Thanks so much for those of you that are reading my story! I had some new help on this chapter in the form of my boyfriend...Midas hehehe (actually his name is Josh lol) A huge thanks goes out to him and Lindz my amazing beta :) I hope you all enjoy this chapter._

**Chasing Fire Chapter 11 ~ Asshat Syndrome (Edwards POV)**

I hadn't seen or heard from her since she drove away from the scene in the grocery store. I wish I could have explained, if only I could have told her that Lindz had showed up out of the blue and that I had moved on.

I felt defeated watching her drive away like that. I saw the tears trail down her cheeks as she saw me and Lindz, but my stupid ass mind hadn't put two and two together... She might just feel for me the same way I did for her. How could I be so stupid?

Why didn't I handle that better? Why didn't I see it from her perspective? Why on earth do I have to be such an idiot sometimes? I should have done a better job handling that situation, better than I did. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I always mess up?

I should have ran faster, but Lindz wouldn't let me go. It took me yelling at her to get her to unwrap herself from around me. By the time I got out of the store, Bella was already driving away. I should have called her or something. But she would have hung up on me, I know her all too well, she probably would have told me in the nicest way possible to fuck off and go to hell!

I had hurt her; I had screwed up my chance of being happy again. Standing there in the parking lot, it took me a few minutes until I got up the courage to walk back in and finally tell Lindz that I wasn't her Edward anymore. I wasn't the same person and that I didn't love her the way she deserved. We both had changed and we both had to live with that.

The thing was, I didn't need to get the courage up at all, Lindz somehow already knew. I guess she saw it in Bella and my faces.

There were so many things I wanted to say to her. To tell her I wished things were different between us and that I could change it for the better. I couldn't even find the words to apologize for being such an asshat and a total fucktard. I stumbled to find the words to say these things and as the moments passed by I couldn't get them or anything else out.

I had so much to say but the only thing I could muster up and say was a single word. It left my lips in a hurry and it was so simple, deep and vague yet I wished I could have taken it back. I should have said something more meaningful and deep but it was all I could say to Lindz, was the simple word, Sorry. (But I really did mean it.)

"Edward there is nothing to be sorry for. I left, yes I lost my memory, but I left you and told you to try to be happy. I'm glad you found what you were really looking for. But I'll tell you one thing. If she hurts you, you know where I am," she said with a slight giggle.

I could see she was actually trying to hold back her real feelings though, Lindz always did that... hid her true feelings. I could see how bad I was hurting her, but in reality it didn't matter, I loved Bella...I wanted Bella!

Maybe her parents where right I did hurt the ones I loved.

We hugged and parted ways and I watched another person drive away and out of my life.

The next several months I felt worse than I did after Lindz left me. I filled my time and thoughts with work, I never even went out with the guys. After work all I would do was lock myself up in the apartment and watch TV and think of her eyes.

Everything was so screwed up and I had no clue how to fix them. From what I had gathered she had went back to school and wasn't planning on coming back here anytime soon.

Thinking of her was torturing me, it was so bad sometimes that I craved to just hear her voice. I even tried to call her once, but was such a chicken shit that I hung up on her. I didn't know what to say to her. What could I say? I'm sorry that I'm such a fuck up?

Maybe next time I will keep it plain and oh so simple...

Sitting here thinking of her, was seriously driving me insane so I did the one thing that relieved my brain for a short period of time and that was of course go work. I headed to the one place that was my safe harbor. The Firehouse.

Emmett was on duty tonight with me and so was Jo. When I pulled up to the fire house both of them were sitting outside on a picnic table chit chatting to each other, but as soon as I walked up toward them, they quit talking and just turned to me smiling, like they knew something that I didn't.

"Hey bro, go get dressed in your blues, we have to walk in the parade in about an hour. Jasper already called dibs on driving the truck. Alice is here and her and Rose will be driving in the Squad. Then we all are heading over to the fairgrounds for our duty over there as well. It all means an easy night for all of us, and maybe I can get to know Rosie a little better."

The whole entire time he was talking I was barley even paying attention to him because all I could think of was how easy it was going to be and how it wasn't going to help get her off my mind. Nodding my head I walked into the fire house and straight up to my bunk to put my things away.

Sitting on my bed, the thought of her and me at a fair came to me and then the vision of it crashed in my head because I knew that it would never happen. I more than likely was never even going to get to see her again. She was gone and wasn't coming back. I didn't even hear mom come into the room I was so lost in the thoughts of her.

"What's going on with you Edward?"

"Oh...hey mom, I didn't even hear you come in. Sorry, just thinking of things is all."

"Let me translate that for you, you mean you're thinking of her. Of Bella. Am I right?"

Smiling, I knew she would know exactly what I was thinking about. She knew me so much better than anyone else. Standing up and turning around to face me, Esme, my chief spoke some very crucial words and they were aimed right at me.

"Edward. You know that I love you, you are my son, but you can be a real bone head sometimes. Call her! If you can't stop thinking of her, call her. Tell her how you feel, tell her you're sorry. Just talk to her! I can't stand seeing you like this, it's worse than when Lindz left you. You need to get your head out of your ass and CALL HER!"

That was it; she walked out of the room and left me to think everything over. She was right I should just call her. Tell her I was a chicken shit and that I loved her...I really loved her and need to see her. I would do anything to see her again.

Reaching over to grab my cell phone, I hesitated for a slight second and in that slight second Emmett came barging in the room with Jasper hot on his tail.

"I thought you were up here getting ready, damn Edward we have to leave in less than five minutes. Hurry your ass up!" Jasper informed me as he clasped his name plate onto his shirt.

Rolling my eyes at them both, I jumped up and hurried my ass up and got dressed. I made a mad dash down the stairs and jumped into the truck faster than I had ever made it, with Jasper yelling over the intercom for me to hurry my ass up.

"Damn, give me a minute to get dressed."

"Why, you don't have anyone waiting there for you," Jasper let slip not realizing how upset that would make me.

"Wow Jasper, really? Not cool man, not cool," Emmett said, punching Jazz in the shoulder.

"Damn, sorry Edward I didn't mean it like that, I was just messing around like we always do. I didn't mean it seriously," he apologized.

I could tell he really didn't mean to say what he did, or at least he didn't mean it the way it came out. They had no idea how hard it really was for me right at this very moment. I was wishing more than anything to stop thinking about her for a few minutes. They had no clue how hard I was fighting the urge to just give up and move on. They just had no clue...

We pulled the truck out of the station and headed toward the middle of town so we could get in formation with everyone else and line the truck up. Jasper was a lucky asshole, he got to just drive the truck along the two miles we had to walk, that would end up at the fairgrounds.

I had always sat on the sidelines and watched Emmett and Chief Cullen walk this path, now it was my turn. I thought I would have been a bit happier, but I couldn't muster up the courage to be happy about anything.

We all were standing there waiting to start the parade, most of them very patiently, but not me. I was very fidgety; I couldn't get what my mom said to me out of my head. Call her, was the words that kept going off in my head, the alarm clock blaring…Call her…Call her.

Glancing down at my pocket, the outline of my cell phone was just as bad as the words mocking me. It was like a glow in the dark beacon, blinking at me to call her. I was such a coward.

It didn't take long until everyone else was all walking slowly down the town square and waving, smiling and throwing candy out to the little kids. I, on the other hand, was just throwing the candy out, walking down the tortuous path I was on.

"Dude, bro, you could at least try to smile for the kids around here watching us. For those kids that look up to us. That used to be you out there," Emmett said bumping me in the shoulder.

At his words I pasted a fake smile on my face and kept on walking. I kept my eyes on the crowd and where we were going, until my whole world came to a halt.

I couldn't move, I was lost in the one pair of eyes that I thought I wouldn't see again.

One step...Two steps...

"What are you doing Edward? Get back into formation!" Jasper yelled.

"Dude seriously. Come on, we aren't even near the fairgrounds yet!" Emmett shouted.

Three steps...Four...I was lost in her eyes. Lost in her sad, scared, lonely eyes.

Then I watched as she turned and melted back into the crowd.


	12. Chapter 12 Fire to the Rain Bella's POV

Chapter 12 – Set Fire to the Rain (Bella's POV)

There he was staring at me, like I was all he could see in this huge crowd of people. All I wanted was a glimpse of him, just a peek at what I could have had. The whole time I was standing there I had been watching for her to be on the sidelines like me watching for him, waving and smiling as he walked by. But, instead all I ended up seeing was him staring right at me.

Those eyes staring had emotions in them that I wasn't ready to see and I chickened out and made a run for it. Something I was good at by now.

He started walking toward me, I could feel his eyes still on me, but I kept moving around all the people. Even pushing my way through, I couldn't let him get to me. I had to make it to my car. Keep going, Bella! I chanted over and over in my head. Till one hand on my shoulder, a hand I knew so well even now after all this time stopped me in my tracks.

"Bella, wait." He whispered.

Taking a shuddering breath as he spoke my name, all I could do to answer him was to shake my head no. I needed away from him; he was a drug to me. He was a different kind of drug, yes, but a drug none the less. He was one that saved my life. He was dangerous to me, he would never hurt me physically but he could crumble me to pieces with one word.

I couldn't let him play games with my heart anymore; all I had wanted was a glimpse of him, now I had him right behind me. Speaking my name… whispering in that voice that made me shudder every time I heard it.

"I can't, Edward." I whispered back to him, shrugging away from his grasp, still keeping my back toward him. I knew it would only take me looking into his eyes once more and I would collapse and give in to the need I felt deep inside myself.

The words that came from his direction next startled me as much as the thunder sounding in the sky. As I jumped at the sounds, Edward had me in his arms in seconds.

"I need you Bella. I love you Bella!"

Those little words, was all I could take, I was done for. He loved me? I didn't understand what he was talking about, but I couldn't help but relax into him. As I stood there up against his chest, I let my mind wonder to what it would be like to be with him. Just the two of us able to be with each other, no one coming in between us. But of course, that one tiny thought brought her back into my mind and I whipped around staring into his eyes, with a fierceness even he could see.

Another sound of thunder called out to the lighting as it cracked across the sky. As the first droplets of rain fell down upon us, I asked the one question I had to know.

"But, Edward how can you love me when you are with someone else? That isn't fair of you to say that to me to, to flaunt that in my face and then rip it out from under me." I stood there my anger blazing inside me mixed with being hurt and love all at the same time. "I can't let you hurt me again." I whispered backing away from him slowly trying my hardest not to let those trader tears slip down my cheeks. But it was a losing battle; they started their slow trail down my cheeks before I could get away from him.

"Bella stop running and let me answer your questions, please."

Taking a deep, deep breath and closing my eyes I nodded for him to continue.

"Bella that girl you saw, the one in the grocery store, that was Lindz and she showed up out of the blue. To answer your big question and to wipe away a little bit of that hurt, I was never with her after you left. All I could think of was you. I'm not the same person I was before you and I told Lindz that. She saw that I loved you that day, and before that day I really didn't think you felt that way about me. I was stupid; I thought you could never love me. I thought you just wanted to be friends, I'm an idiot. Please, Bella say something."

Standing there staring at him, I couldn't help the feelings that were boiling over. I wanted to believe him, to believe that he loved me. Could I trust him? I had no clue what to do as I stood there and the rain started to fall in torrential drops on my head and falling down my face temporarily blinding me. But it didn't matter; I wanted what he was offering me. I wanted to trust him.

Closing my eyes and shaking my head slightly trying to shake away the doubt I had clouding my thoughts of happiness, I opened my eyes and looked up and as soon as my eyes meet his he was standing right there in front of me. His lips crashed down on mine and I melted into his embrace. I latched onto him ablaze of sheer joy and passion swept over me as he scooped me up into his arms, kissing me harder than I had ever been kissed before.

His mouth left my lips but he didn't stop kissing me, his lips never left my skin as he kissed my neck and up to my ears, then he whispered those words again.

"I love you Bella, let me be your one and only."

I had only come to the parade to get a glimpse of him and now I had his mouth all over me setting my skin on fire with every press of his lips against me. I didn't have to worry about all the other stuff right now, all I could think of was I was in his arms. I had that missing piece of me right here, that missing piece of my life that I had lost and longed to have back. I had it right here and I wasn't about to let it go. He wants to be my one and only, I could handle that. I could be his and he could be mine. I might actually get to be happy again.

Yeah we had a long road ahead of us and a lot of tough decisions to make, but if we were together we might actually make it.

"Bella," He whispered into my hair "What is going through that pretty little head of yours?"

"Nothing really, just thinking of what it would mean to be your one and only. And thinking about how happy I am right this very minute, something I haven't felt in a while. I feel complete again."


	13. Chapter 13 Just a Kiss (Jakes POV)

_Alright, this is the next chapter of Chasing Fire, it isn't really beta'ed sorry, I can't seem to find one. But I hope you enjoy it all the same. Thanks to you all for all the comments and reading! This story is really dear to my heart. But anyway, here we go. Oh and Tissue alert on this chapter and next! And don't hate me, this is where the story was always going. Sorry Stella! lol_

Chapter 13 - Just a Kiss (Jakes POV)

Sometimes a kiss is the only thing that ever gets me through my day, and lately kisses are the only thing I think of. That's right I had a new girl in his life and well, what can I say, I can't get enough of her.

I met Kiara at a club one night and from then I haven't let her go and I don't plan too. That girl was a firecracker and I love her with my whole being. We connect on a level I never thought possible.

If you would have asked me several months ago about love, I would have told you that it wasn't in the stars for me. That I had loved a girl and she didn't return that love for me. She now loves another man and I'm happy for her, don't like the guy to much, but she is happy so I can't do much about it.

Thinking about everything that had happened was torturing me right now. I wanted more than anything to kiss my girl right now, but taking in my surroundings right now I'm not sure that will happen.

"_I'm always careful you know that." I winked at her and ran from the room yelling the rest of it. "I love you too, beautiful."_

I made it to the door and could feel her beautiful eyes on me as I made it to my car. I loved her more than I had ever loved anything in my life. She was the flame I never wanted to put out. She was my flame.

_Getting in my truck, I headed toward the fire that was already happening and we had been called in for back up. A firefighter was down and stuck in the fire. Which is something that no firefighter wants to hear._

_I pushed the gas peddle to the floor as soon as I heard the call go out for even more Firefighters, something big was happening and it was at the packaging company in the business district of Forks._

_Once I pulled up to the scene I realized why so many firefighters had been called in. The place was huge and I could see the flames shooting out of every single window and the roof from a mile away. As soon as I slammed my truck into park, I jumped out and put on my gear right away. I had to find my chief and see what he wanted me to do._

"_Jake, there you are. Alright, we need you to go in with this team here and see if you can help find the guy that is missing."_

_Nodding, I looked around at my crew members that were going to into that fiery hell and turned back around to my chief._

"_Harry, Whose missing?"_

_At first he wouldn't answer me and my stomach hit the ground once the name came out of his mouth. I thought for sure it was one of our crew._

"_Edward Cullen is the one missing. He is trapped and has called in to say there is no way he will be able to get out. He is trapped on all sides by cave ins. We need you to go in and try to cut your way through to him. We have to get him out of there Jake. It's our job to get him out. No Firefighter is going to die on my watch."_

_I was in shock at first, till I heard that we had to move and get going. Shaking the thought of Bella off, I ran into the building, placing my oxygen mask on as soon as I came up to the building entrance._

_Running into that building, I knew we were going to get Cullen out and it was all going to be okay. I knew it deep down, what I didn't know was what would happen once we did get in there._

_Everything was aflame, every direction I looked were flames flaring at my face, I was glad when the other guys said Cullen was supposed to be this way and I just followed them. Once we made it to where he was supposed to be, we saw the cave in that we were told about. There was no way we were going to be able to cut through it all in time. But I knew we had to. We had to get him out of there. Bella would not be able to take losing anyone else._

"_Give me the saw." I yelled to the guy next to me. Once I had it in my hand I started sawing away at the debris. It was slow go and it kept cutting the blades._

"_DAMN IT! Go out and get more blades and another saw. FUCK!" I yelled. Edward was right on the other side of this debris and I was going to get through this no matter what._

_Once the new blades got in the building we went back to cutting the debris, we were getting closer and closer, I could actually hear him yelling into us. Telling us to hurry that the flames were getting into the room he was in. So I tried to hurry as fast as I could, but it just wasn't working. The last couple pieces were the worst and I had broke another four blades._

"_Edward, can you hear me. How close? This keeps busting the blades, I'm trying."_

"_Too close, keep trying." He yelled back to me. But his breathing was labored, and it didn't sound good._

"_Edward, use your oxygen."_

"_Can't it's busted, I fell from the fourteenth floor, I can barely move my legs and the oxygen tank is busted completely. Just keep cutting." He wheezed._

"_FUCK," I yelled, as I kept cutting._

_I had to make it through this shit. One last cut was all it took and I could see Edward on the floor._

"_Edward can you see me? Listen, can you move at all?" I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't answering. "EDWARD,"_

"_Guys he's out, take this so we can drag him out." I shouted. Handing the saw over to the fireman beside me, I didn't even have time to see who it was, I knelt down and tried to reach him, but couldn't get my arms around his body to grab him. So I crawled into the room with him and grabbed his body, dragging it over the hole and pushed him through to the other guys._

"_Take him," I told them. "Hurry, get him out of here." I yelled to them. They grabbed him and rushed out of the room. Not even realizing I hadn't crawled back through._

_Struggling to crawl back through the hole we had cut out to get to Cullen, I could feel the flames licking at my skin, trying to hurry up I felt the dust of the rubble fall onto my neck. Pulling my legs out as fast as I could, I wasn't fast enough, the rubble fell crushing my legs making me scream out in pain._

I was the one trapped now.

"HElP!" I screamed over and over, but no one could hear me. The heat of the flames were right at my feet and I knew it was over. I did my job.

I got Cullen out, I was the good firefighter.


	14. Chapter 14 The End of a Life (Jake's POV

Alright, so its time again for another chapter of Chasing Fire. This story is coming close to an end. I need to say please don't be angry with me over this one. I need to thank my new beta for this story.

Chapter 14: The End of a Life (Jake's POV)

This was the end, and I couldn't stop it.

I would never see her smiling face or hear her laughter again.

I would never get to give her the ring that was sitting in the side table next to our bed…at our place. I would never get to walk back into our place and see her standing in front of the stove, smiling at me as she burned dinner. Giving me that oops face of hers. I wouldn't get to see her walk down that aisle in a white dress or see our kids playing outside.

"Kiara, I love you." I whispered.

"Where are you taking me, Jake?" She begged to know.

"It's a surprise. If I tell you, it won't be anymore, so sit back and enjoy the ride, baby."

It was her birthday and I had it all planned out, picnic on the beach, wine and food all ready there waiting for us, thanks to Embry and Emily. Those two had been a godsend; I couldn't make it down to the beach in time to set everything up, so they did it for me. With having to work this morning, it was so hard to be two places at once, but with their help it all worked out.

Parking my truck, I got out and rushed around the front to open her door.

"Jake, this blindfold is the pits. Seriously, where are we?" she asked again, making me laugh. "Jacob Black, don't laugh at me." She pouted, making me laugh even more; she was so darn cute.

"Just relax and we will be there in a few seconds. "

Leading her down the path, I knew she could smell the water and hear it as well. Once she felt the small pebbles of the beach, she knew exactly where we were.

"Jake, why did you bring me to the beach?"

I didn't say a word to her, not even a whisper, instead I let go of her hand and had her stop right in front of the blanket laid out for us. I walked around her a few times, just to enjoy watching her fidget while she stood there feeling me watch her and then I came to a stop right behind her. Laying my hands on her shoulder, I leaned in to whisper into her cute little ears.

"Happy Birthday, baby." As I slid the blind fold away from her eyes.

She blinked a few times to let her eyes get accustomed to the light gleaming off the water.

"Aww… Wow, Jake, you are so sweet." Turning around and throwing her arms around my neck, she hugged me close and kissed me softly.

I could still feel her arms around me and her sweet lips against mine. Even now, I could hear her voice calling out to me and her infectious laughter that spread throughout our place every day. "_That's the one thing I'll miss the most_", I thought to myself.

Her laugh.

Her Lips.

Her hugs.

She was my everything. I was losing my everything.

"Bye, my love," I wheezed, fighting against the smoke as the fire hit my feet and lashed at my body. Succumbing to the pain, I closed my eyes, letting images of her fill my mind, letting the pain take over my every sense as I finally took my last breath.


	15. Chapter 15 Unfair (Bella's POV)

I know the last chapter wasn't very long, this one is a bit longer though. It is sad and needs a tissue alert again. You all know I love angst and I must say I knew from the very first day that this was what was going to happen. I hope you all enjoy. Thanks so much to all the faithful readers of this story and thanks to my beta as well!

Chapter 15: Unfair (Bella's POV)

He was my best friend…He was my friend and I was sitting here at his funeral while the fire tones rang out through all the firefighters pagers surrounding me. I missed my friend. Looking straight ahead at his casket, I felt someone take my hand. I knew who it is, but I didn't even respond. I can't look away from Jake's casket.

As two tears slid down my cheeks, I hurried up to wipe them away and made a silent plea for God to spare me from having to go to another funeral for at least a few years. I couldn't take this shit anymore; I had buried way too many people that I loved, first my mom, my dad and now my best friend. I thought God was punishing me for something, but I had no idea what I'd done to deserve any of that.

_God, seriously… what did I do to lose everyone I love?_

Sobs from a girl standing behind me took me out of my silent pleas with God. As the Chief said his last words and the casket slowly made its way into the ground, I felt Edward's hand on my back.

"Bella, it's time to go, love." He said, looking at me. Standing up, I finally got a look at the girl sobbing in the back row. She was wearing a sleek black dress and crying hard against Harry's shoulder.

Walking past her, I overheard something that just about killed me inside and made me realize I hadn't talked to my "best friend" in several months.

"I loved him, Harry. I didn't even get to tell him about her," I watched as she placed her hand on her stomach rubbing it affectionately. "What am I going to do now? She will never know her daddy."

Telling Edward I would meet him at the car, I made my way over to her.

"Excuse me, did you say 'she will never know her daddy'?" I asked her. I knew what she meant, I just wasn't sure I believed her.

"Um, yeah, I did. I'm Kiara, Jake's girlfriend" and rubbing her belly again, she added, "this is his little girl. Well, at least I think it's a girl." She tried to smile, but it faded quickly. "Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Bella, Jake's friend."

"Hi, Bella. He talked about you all the time. I feel like I already know you. It's nice to finally meet you in person."

"Hi, Kiara. It's nice to meet you, too. I know this really isn't the place to say this, but Jake was my best friend since we were little kids. If you ever need anything, just let me know. "

She smiled again and leaned in for a hug.

"Thanks, Bella."

"Anytime."

I smiled back and told my goodbyes, taking one last look over where Jake had been laid to rest, then turned around to walk back up to my love.

Looking out the window, I tried to remember the last time I had talked to Jake and I couldn't. I would give anything to talk to him now and see him with his baby one day, but he wouldn't get that chance.

I felt Edward park the car, heard him get out and come around to open my door. I hadn't really looked at him in a few days. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was numb to everything around me, including him. Walking into my house, I sat my stuff on the kitchen table and went straight to my room to lie down. He didn't follow me. He knew I needed space. I was so tired, but once my head hit the pillow, I couldn't even close my eyes.

The tears finally broke through and I sobbed loudly. I hadn't cried at all since the fire, since the night when I could have lost my love, but lost my best friend instead. I didn't know how to take any of this, I was fighting against all the feelings, but once they broke through, there was no stopping them.

He must have heard me from the living room because he was at my side within seconds, holding me and trying to soothe me. It wasn't working, through. Nothing could work now.

"Love, Bella… it's okay to cry. It's going to be okay. I know you miss him; he was your best friend. Let it all out, Bells." Once he called me that, the flood came even stronger. Bells…

"Jake. I want my friend. It's not fair, Edward. It's not fair, he's gone and I'm here and you're here, but you wouldn't be if it wasn't for him. IT'S JUST NOT FUCKING FAIR." I screamed.

So what did you all think? I know its sad, the end is coming very soon. I have decided though to show the inside of Jake's and Kiara's life a bit more in some one shots that will be posted as soon as Chasing Fire is over. Thanks for reading, don't forget to let me know what you think


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